Noor-e-Haqq

Fox News: Vets Stand Guard Over Christian Flag in North Carolina Town

2010-10-23T13:46:00.000-07:00

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2010/10/21/vets-stand-guard-christian-flag-nc-town-1551201310/

This article brought to mind some interesting questions and thoughts that I was turning over in my head. I wanted to share some of my understanding here. The article speaks of a man who is standing vigil to keep a Christian flag in its 'place', over a war memorial. Symbols run very deep within people and this can be clearly seen in this case. What the flag means not only to the veteran standing vigil but also the entire community which has moblized behind him is what is the driving force behind this movement. This symbol contains a meaning which penetrates the collective psyche of this North Carolina community. When a force attempts to remove it from its 'place', it produces this collective response.

An interesting quote from the article:

"The relatively obscure emblem has become omnipresent because of one place it can't appear: flying above a war memorial in a public park."

So what is the meaning of this Christian flag to these people? Does it mean the same thing to everyone or is everyone uniting for a personal reason within themselves? What does it say about what these people believe about division of church and state? Can church and state truly be divided in the hearts of people? There is a deep link in the hearts of some people here between the soldiers and their religion. The religion, serving many times as a source of inspiration, hope, and inner peace amidst a war.

"The protesters are concerned not only about the flag...but about a metal sculpture nearby depicting a soldier kneeling before a cross."

When these soldiers went to war for the 'state', what role did religion play? Did it provide a higher meaning and reason to fight than what loyalty to the 'state' provided? Did religion provide a means of inner meaning and strength to move on in life after the war for these soldiers, more so than what the idea of service to the 'state' provided? Was it a mix of both of these ideas, 'state' and 'church', that has been a source of meaning and strength? If so, can 'church' and 'state' truly be divided if it is not divided within the hearts of people?

Another point which was interesting in this article was that the resident who complained about the flag was a veteran of the Afghanistan War. This perhaps brings to light the difference in the beliefs and views of the Vietnam War Vets and Veterans of the Afghanistan war. One cannot make a broad generalization, given that it was a single Afghan vet who made the complaint, but nonetheless it does make one wonder.

I'll conclude with one last quote from the article:

"I won't let it fall," Martini said. "I have already told the city, before you can take it down, I'll tie myself to it and you can cut me down first."

BBC Article - Wikileaks: Iraq war logs 'reveal truth about conflict'

2010-10-23T12:56:00.000-07:00

http://bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-11612731

And Say: Truth has come and falsehood has perished. Surely, falsehood is (a thing) bound to perish.

Holy Qur'an (17:81)

A Tradition (Hadith) on Balance

2010-07-02T19:47:00.000-07:00

786

One of the practical advices to balance our hearts can be found in the saying of the Holy Imam Musa Kazim(as):

"Try to divide your day into four parts. The first part is for whispering to God. The second part is for occupation. The thrid part is our time for brothers and those whom we trust. The fourth part is for halaal (permissible) enjoyment."

This hadith seeks to promote harmony in the soul of the human being by dividing his routine into different needs he has. The first and most central need for a human being is maintaining a healthy connection with His Creator. It must be revived in him frequently to establish balance. This most significant connection gives the human being purpose, vision, and a goal to strive towards constantly. It leads to the development of a sound intellect. The need for the frequency of prayer can be seen in the example of our own lives. How easy is it for us to be overwhelmed by the problems and worries we are faced with? Is it not all we ponder about and mull over day in and day out? Along the same lines, the glitter of this world tends to take us away from the more meaningful and valuable things in life; the apparent pleasure that it calls us towards while it slowly destroys our inner being and we are heedless of our situation. In both of these cases, we forget the greater vision and goals that God (Glory be to Him, The Most High) has revealed to us.

Nay, you prefer the life of this world; (87:16)
But the hereafter is better and lasting. (87:17)

In these verses of the Holy Qur'an, God shows us the major flaw in our thinking. Our energies and focus is constantly directed towards the life of the present -- The life of this world. The next life, as God points out, is of a greater nature (Khayr); it is better in comparison to this life. And the next life endures and lasts whereas this life is temporary and meant to perish. Can these two truly be compared? And when it is so clear, why do we forget the affairs of the hereafter and forget to invest in the next life as well as this life? The frequent prayer is a means of keeping our focus in check. It pegs the human being and firmly establishes in his heart this broader interpretation and vision of existence. There is much that can be said about the benefit and wisdom of connecting with God but let me conclude with an encouraging tradition:

"If your prayer is accepted, then everything else will be accepted. If your prayer is not accepted, then everything else will be rejected."

Therefore, let us dedicate a portion of our day to this most important act and seek to reach harmony within ourselves by establishing a genuine connection with Our Creator...

My next post will examine the rest of the opening tradition which was with regards to dividing one's time.

On Balance: Practical Perspective

2010-02-19T03:30:00.001-08:00

Bismillah, In the name of God

Balancing our hearts can be quite a task, but in essence it is easy. To bring to life this idea of balancing the heart, let's take an example: Let's say that the entire week you are engaged in serving others and helping others. Your intention is good -- to create some positive change around you. However, by the end of the week, you begin to feel tired from carrying the burden while having barely attended to yourself. Now a day comes that someone is slightly off in the way they speak to you or just not appreciative of what you've been doing the entire week and you explode on them. You hurt that person out of your anger because they happenned to get on your last nerve. You exhausted your capacity and over-estimated your limits. Knowing and operating within your limits is very important. Therefore, in this case it would have been better for the individual to allocate time to serve others as well as to pursue activities that would please his own soul. These activities would only serve as fuel and energy to sustain his efforts in the direction of helping others. Maintaining this balance within ourselves will ensure inner harmony as well as harmony between ourselves and our environment. Reflection is the key to getting to know yourself. Constant reflection on ourselves and our environment will help us in finding this balance. Most of all, we must ask God(swt) for help in our struggles. More on this topic to come...

Balance and Harmony

2010-01-30T16:56:00.000-08:00

Peace be upon you, Asalamu 'Alaykum.

It has been a long time since I've written and on this night I sense my heart gravitating towards this end, so I figured let me comply with my inclination. Sometimes, some of the best things are written when man's soul is ripe for the work. Then again, it might just be a desire that doesn't produce the fruit that I may hope it will. Anyways...I think I would like to comment on balance. Balance and harmony are such important factors in human life. Not only does there need to exist balance and harmony within relationships and the way that any one person or society relates to another but also within an individual's own existence. When you look at the universe and how it functions, it speaks of balance and harmony...beauty and perfection. The sun rising every morning with its radiance and brilliance shedding light and making clear everything that was dark and was obstructed from vision. The consistency and accuracy with which it returns day in and day out. The moon and its stages. It's pure lumination in the sky sometimes serves as a consolation to the broken heart. It too shows it self following the same patterns creating predictability and consistency. There is so much to see, if we would open our inner eye to the balance and harmony that surrounds us.

The ones who seem to stand out from all of this balance and harmony are mankind. We seem to be capable of tampering with this balance. We tip this balance towards extremes with respect to ourselves. We lose this balance in dealing with one another...in dealing with our environment. Most importantly, we hinder it with respect to our relationship with the Creator of all. It is like our existence is a thorn within this marvelous and harmonious creation where by means of our free will we are able to create disharmony and imbalance. On the other hand, this free will is one of the most beautiful and amazing gifts. The ability for man to choose his destiny within the scheme of existence is remarkable. Once man achieves the goal which is intended for him, to submit willfully to this balance and order when he has the opportunity to reject it, it is more radiant, beautiful, and perfect than the rising and setting of the sun. More luminous than the moon and more commendable and praiseworthy than the cycle of its stages. How amazing when a creature out of his own free will chooses to follow the path of balance when he has the chance to spread evil and corruption.

It is my prayer and hope that we can realize the truths of our existence and approach this balance and perfection. It is an incredibly difficult task but the by the Mercy of God, we have been sent Prophets and Leaders to guide us through this journey. We also have His book, the Holy Qur'an which in speaking about itself says: "It(ie. The Qur'an) is a guidance for the pious". Quran (2:2). I do want to talk more about this and perhaps relate this idea to some of the problems and concerns we have in our day to day lives. I especially want to comment on the balance that must be kept within the heart, which is crucial to an individual's existence. Until next time...Please say a nice word to someone and allow me the benefit from having encouraged this good deed.

Salaam. Peace.

Surah Al-Furqan

2009-07-06T03:11:00.000-07:00

وَٱتَّخَذُواْ مِن دُونِهِۦۤ ءَالِهَةً۬ لَّا يَخۡلُقُونَ شَيۡـًٔ۬ا وَهُمۡ يُخۡلَقُونَ وَلَا يَمۡلِكُونَ لِأَنفُسِهِمۡ ضَرًّ۬ا وَلَا نَفۡعً۬ا وَلَا يَمۡلِكُونَ مَوۡتً۬ا وَلَا حَيَوٰةً۬ وَلَا نُشُورً۬ا

Yet have they taken, besides Him, gods that can create nothing but are themselves created; that have no control of hurt of good to themselves; Nor can they control Death nor Life nor Ressurrection.

This verse demolishes false gods and the belief in such false gods. Not only this, but this verse combined with the two pervious verses proves any book and any guidance other than God's to be without any true authority and value. How is it that mankind can rely on the words of those who don't have the power to create but are helpless themselves and are in need of their Creator? How can we be influenced by those who cannot even cause any good or harm to themselves, outside the dominion of Allah(swt)? They do not have the power to cause death, to give life, or to ressurrect so how is it that we turn to them before Allah(swt)?!

If we slightly tilt our 'heads' and look at this verse from a different angle, we see the same theme I discussed in my last post. This verse, like the previous one, shows us Who God is: He creates everything but is not created Himself; He has all control of harm and good; He dominates the realms of Death, Life, and Ressurection! If we really let the reality of Who Allah (swt) is, sink into our hearts, the more amazed we will be at having this Blessed Furqan or Qur'an. One of the things that really hit it home for me were a few pictures that came to mind. I saw a man reaching the end of his life, his soul leaving his body and he lays their lifeless...anytime this occurs anywhere, God is behind it. I saw a beautiful child opening his eyes to this world for the first time...the miracle and other-worldiness of of birth...anytime it happens, God is behind it. And again when we are brought back to life, Allah (swt) will have total control over it and He will be its True Cause. After taking this all in, I went back to the first verse and I could see even more clearly what it means to have received this Furqan, because it is that same One that is behind its revelation. "Blessed is He Who sent down the Criterion to His servant, that it may be an admonition for the worlds."

Surah Al-Furqan

2009-06-24T19:31:00.000-07:00

سُوۡرَةُ الفُرقان

بِسۡمِ ٱللهِ ٱلرَّحۡمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ

تَبَارَكَ ٱلَّذِى نَزَّلَ ٱلۡفُرۡقَانَ عَلَىٰ عَبۡدِهِۦ لِيَكُونَ لِلۡعَـٰلَمِينَ نَذِيرًا

Blessed is He Who sent down the Criterion to His servant, that it may be an adominition for the worlds.

This is the first verse after bismillah of Suratul Furqan. Abdullah Yusuf Ali comments on the word 'tabaraka' as follows: "the root meaning is 'increase' or 'abundance'. Here that aspect of God's dealing with His creatures is emphasized, which shows His abundant goodness to all His creatures, in that He sent the Revelation of His Will, not only in the unlimited Book of Nature, but in a definite Book in human language, which gives clear directions and admonitions to all. The English word 'blessed' hardly conveys that meaning..." To put this into my own words and perhaps to add a shade of meaning, it seems that Allah (swt) is telling us that He is Blessed because of His revealing this Furqan. Meaning, this revelation of The Criterion as an admonition to humanity manifests or shows us the Magnanimity and Greatness of Allah (swt). An additional note on this verse is the use of the word 'Alameen. 'Alam is a singular world. 'Alameen is the plural of world and hence worlds. Some food for thought is what does the use of this word here imply? It is a Criterion for the worlds. Perhaps, the Qur'an is serving as a Criterion for more than humanity.

ٱلَّذِى لَهُ ۥ مُلۡكُ ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٲتِ وَٱلۡأَرۡضِ وَلَمۡ يَتَّخِذۡ وَلَدً۬ا وَلَمۡ يَكُن لَّهُ ۥ شَرِيكٌ۬ فِى ٱلۡمُلۡكِ وَخَلَقَ ڪُلَّ شَىۡءٍ۬ فَقَدَّرَهُ ۥ تَقۡدِيرً۬ا

He to Whom belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth: no son has He begotten, nor has He a partner in His dominon: It is He Who created all things, and ordered them in due proportions.

Upon reading and absorbing this next verse I was able to see the previous verse in a clearer light. Referring back to my previous comment, Allah (swt) starts by connecting His being Blessed with His sending the Furqan. This next verse elaborates on Who exactly is Allah (swt). "He to Whom belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth..." Let me repeat this in other words so that the meaning reaches our hearts. Essentially, Allah (swt) is the One to whom everything belongs. There is not a thing in existence that is outside of His dominion and does not belong to Him. Every particle of existence is His and belongs to Him! Given this reality, let us reflect on the first verse. Is it not true that "Blessed is He Who sent down the Furqan" because the One Who sent down this distinguishing light is the Owner of all things in the heavens and the earth?!?! Such a Being has sent us guidance! The greatness of this gift of the Qur'an is infinitely more realized when we begin to sense Who it is exaclty that sent down this guidance. To expand on this idea I will continue with this verse. "...no son has He begotten, nor has He a partner in His dominion..." Allah (swt) has no like and cannot be compared to anyone or anything. He is beyond our human limitations and it is impossible for Him to conceive a son. Furthermore, Allah's (swt) ownership is absolute and noone and nothing shares in his domination and ownership of the entirety of existense. He has exclusive ownership. As these realities sink in our hearts, let's return to the prior verse which becomes even clearer..."Blessed is He Who sent down the Criterion". Wow! It is this Allah (swt) that sent it. The verse ends with "...It is He Who created all things, and ordered them in due proportions". The Creator of everything in existence without the exception of anything has sent us Al-Furqan. So I repeat: Indeed, "Blessed is He Who sent down the Criterion to His servant, that it may be an admonition for the worlds."

New Pursuit

2009-06-11T14:31:00.000-07:00

Bismillah Ar-Rahman Ar-Rahim.

I want to endeavour to share my thoughts on the book of the Creator of the universe, the Holy Qur'an. I am not sure where this pursuit will take me exactly. As of now, some ideas are flowing through me with regards to a general direction. I will be trying to express what I see as I read the words and the meaning that hits my heart. This will be combined with the thoughts and ideas of others who have sought to understand the Qur'an. I will also share personal experiences or experiences of others that have to do with certain verses of the Qur'an. This will be a portal of reflection on this Grand Book and in no way an authoritative explanation. In reality, the only authoritative explation of this book is with Allah (swt), and Allah (swt) is the only true Authority. With that I seek refuge with Him from the accursed one and pray for His protection from anything that may hinder this endeavour towards anything outside of His pleasure. I will begin with the 25th chapter, Suratul Furqan or The Criterion.

To start with the title of the chapter itself, Al-Furqan or The Criterion is another name for the Holy Qur'an as many of us Muslims are aware of. What is the meaning of the word criterion? It is that which allows you to distinguish one thing from another. It is a kind of measuring scale and standard which makes things clear through separation. Abdullah Yusuf Ali in his translation of the Holy Qur'an comments on this word by saying, "That by which we can judge clearly between right and wrong...we can distinguish between the true and false by God's Light, especially between righteousness and sin." The question I want to pose to us is that if this Book is indeed The Criterion that distinguishes between good and evil, why is it that sometimes we question ourselves regarding what is right and wrong? Sometimes, we are not sure what is the correct moral action and what isn't. To examine it from another angle, if we want to distinguish between the truth and falsehood with regards to all the ideologies of Islam that exist today, why is the Qur'an not sufficient? I think it is safe to say that this Qur'an should clarify, within every soul, what is right and what is wrong. It should make our vision clear. All of these ideas are derived from the simple fact that this Book is Al-Furqan or The Criterion. I am not shedding doubt on the power of this Holy Book to manifest it's reality which is to serve as Al-Furqan for humanity. Instead, what I am suggesting is that perhaps we have not been able to access this Qur'an in such a manner that it is able to fulfill it's purpose within us; to be Al-Furqan within us such that truth and falsehood become clear. The Creator of the heavens and the earth and everything in between, Allah (SWT), has called this Qur'an, Al-Furqan, The Criterion. Therefore, there can be no doubt in this reality of its ability to allow us to see clearly what is true and what is not. We, as Muslims, should strive to reach this reality so we can see with our own heart's eye how appropriately Allah(swt) has named His book, Al-Furqan.

Salaat

2009-06-04T18:41:00.000-07:00

Bismillah Ar-Rahman Ar-Rahim

I begin in the name of Allah, The Compassionate, The Merciful.

It has been quite some time since I last wrote but I was inspired to write again. The topic, as the title of this enry indicates, is Salaat. For some time now, I have felt it difficult to concentrate during Salaat. Although, there are times where there is a heightened connection that brings much needed coolness to the heart. Most of the times, there is not a strong connection. Much has been said about prayers not being reduced to a ritual. The difficult and frustrating challenge is how do we go about making it more than that? How do we progress in this regard and how can we measure our improvement. There is no doubt that the road is infinite when it comes to reaching proximity to Allah (swt). To know and apply the secrets of Salaat is like a gateway to this end. In all honesty, I do not know the answer to the questions I've posed. My intention, by this entry, is to remind myself and others of the importance of this great act with the hopes of improving the quality of my Salaat the next time that I stand to pray. One thing I've always wanted is to atleast reach a level where my concentration is consistent. Once I've achieved this, I have a sort of platform to work off of. This is the first step and challenge in my mind. In any case, I will present a few narrations and Qur'anic verses that will, insh'Allah, inspire us towards this goal.

"When you face the qiblah, you should despair of this world, what it contains of creation and what others are occupied with. Empty your heart of every preoccupation which might distract you from Allah (swt). See the immensity of Allah (swt) with your innermost being, and remember that you will stand before Him. For Allah (swt) has said, There shall every soul become acquainted with what it sent before, and they shall be brought back to Allah, their true Patron. (10:30)"

"The bondsman of Allah (swt) does not truly bow (in ruku') but that Allah (swt) adorns him with the light of His radiance, shades him in the shade of His greatness and clothes him in the garment of His purity...therefore bow with the ruku' of one who is humble to Allah (swt), abased in his heart and fearful under His power, submitting his limbs to Allah (swt) like one who is fearful and sorrowful for what he might miss of the benefits of those who bow."

"Therfore prostrate yourself with the prostration of someone abased, who knows that he is created from the earth on which people tread, that he is fashioned from sperm which everyone finds impure, and that he was given being when he did not exist."

-Imam Ja'far Sadiq (as) - Lantern of the Path

“Surely the believers are successful; those who are humble in their prayers.” (Quran, 23:1-2)

“O ye who believe! Do not go near prayers while you are in an intoxicated condition till you know what you are saying.” (Quran, 4:43)

“Do not stand for prayers lazily, yawning or feeling heavy (i.e. considering it to be a burden). For all these are from the traits of hypocrisy. Allah has prohibited the believers from standing for prayers while they are intoxicated i.e. (intoxicated) from sleep.”

-Imam Baqir (as) - Tafsir, Ayyashi, vol. 1

“As for the rights of the prayers, you should know that it is a means of reaching towards Allah. And you are standing before Allah when you are praying. When you are aware of this, then it is desirous that you stand during prayers like the one who is disgraced, desirous (of rewards), fearful, scared, hopeful, pauper, crying, respectful of the One Who is before Him. Maintain a dignified calm, head down, limbs humble, tender heart, praying with the best of invocations within yourself, seeking the freedom of your neck from Him, an imprisonment caused on account of your sins and a destruction caused by your misdeeds. There is no strength except Allah’s.”

-Imam Zainul 'Abideen (as) - Tuhaf al Uqul

I pray that this small selection of hadith inspires myself, most of all, and also the rest of us ins'Allah. May Allah (swt) enliven our hearts and beings to His worship. Ameen.

Reflections on Pakistan (Part VIII)

2008-04-02T05:51:00.000-07:00

We ate dinner next door at Khala Zora's place. After complementing khala on the food he just finished, Ali Bahi turned to me and said: “Chalein?” ( ready to go?). I had developed a sense of attachment towards Ali Bahi. I don't quite know what it was about him. He had a very bright smile yet his eyes spoke of a pain he was trying to hide. I could see a restlessness within him. I felt he was the type of person, who would smile for others; he would keep everyone laughing while not allowing them to know his true feelings. He was very confident and outgoing too. That's what I liked most about him but at the same time it was what I was most intimidated by. I think if someone appears to be more confident than me, my natural reflex is hesitation.

In any case, when he asked me if I was ready to head back, I immediately responded with a “yep”. Wow, I thought. Even if I had wanted to stay at Khala's place, I probably wouldn't have...there was something within me that didn't want to let Ali Bahi down. As we made our way into the house, Ali Bahi asked me if I wanted to hang out for a bit before heading to bed. I enthusiastically accepted his offer. Upon entering his room, I felt a chill run down my spine. It was cold. I sat down on his bed watching him as his eyes searched the room for something he needed. “Here it is!”, he said with a jolt of feeling. It was a box of matches. He ripped one off and lit up the small gas heater on the floor. I was studying him as he was putting the matches back on the desk. I wanted to see under the garb of the superficial, but I knew that would only come in time. He finally took a seat on the carpeted floor and reached for a guitar case which was leaning against the wall. “Let me play you a few songs. I know I'm horrible but just bare with me, huh”, he said as he unbuckled the latches on the case.

As he said this, a feeling of anxiousness began to spread through my system. “Sure”, I responded, fighting hard not to make my voice sound shaky. Most music is forbidden within Islam and it is only certain types of music that are considered permissible. Since Islam is as vast an ideology as any other, there are adherents of Islam that allow for more flexibility on this issue. My set of beliefs, however, were clear when it came to music. My heart did not want to disobey my Lord and at the same time I wanted to start out on the right foot with Ali Bahi. The attachment I developed for him was not easing the burden to make the right decision. I let him play for some time as I juggled this thought in my mind. All along my sense of guilt was amassing on my chest making it harder and harder to breathe. What if he thinks I am an extremist? Or too religious? Ofcourse that translates into someone who is ignorant and for the most part follows a set of beliefs blindly. I wanted to have respect in his eyes. He was probably expecting a cousin who would think like him and could relate to him. Perhaps in another world and when I was another me, I would write the song as he played his guitar. It would have definitely brought us closer. On the other hand, I thought, the right thing is the right thing. The One who has created me is the One who gives and takes respect, so fearing losing respect was definitely a non-issue. Eventually, I mustered up the courage to tell him my stance. “Ali Bahi...”, I began. “I didn't mention this at first but I stopped listening to music a while back. I consider it a religious obligation to refrain from it.”, I finished waiting for a favorable response. “That's totally cool man. I respect your belief, bro. It isn't a big deal at all,” he said. “You should have told me straight off the bat though”. “Honestly, I didn't tell you in fear of hurting the chances of us becoming good friends. We just met and stuff so...” I responded as if I were admitting a sin I had just committed.

Our discussion really allowed me to be myself more. I was relieved of a burden and for it I thanked God. We branched off into other things as we talked that night. Ali Bahi asked me questions like why I considered music bad and what made me become so religious. He also opened up to me about his views on life and the like. I felt I was growing closer to him as we shared our thoughts. As far as music was concerned I tried to explain it to him in a way that would be easily understandable. The reasonsing is very straight forward. Islam promotes control over one's self and one's lower desires. This requires the intellect to be in charge and serve as the guiding light for one's behavior. Besides the obvious wrongs present in modern music like profanity, immorality, sexual promiscuity, and materialism, music tends to fluctuate the state of the soul rather rapidly. In other words, sometimes the music takes control of you. This ofcourse negates the entire concept of regulating one's self which is one of the basic principles of leading a healthy Islamic life. After doing this music bit, I proceeded to reminisce on how I became religious. In a nutshell, we all try to make sense of life. We are doing so at every moment of our existence. Sometimes we have a narrow vision and focus on individual aspects of our lives. For example, sometimes we are preoccupied with family problems or issues with a girl friend. Other times, we take a step back and ask those questions which encompass more than the components but the whole life. I'm talking questions like...Why do we exist?; Does this world have a purpose?; Is there a Care-Taker for this universe or is it the result of randomness and chance?; Without answering these fundamental questions, the life of a human being can be left meaningless and absurd. I am getting carried away but bear with me as I connect this back to original issue at hand. How did I become religious? I, like everyone else, was engrossed in the day to day and week to week problems of life. I had a very short term vision and was searching for immediate satisfaction. Eventually, I met a person who held religion in greater esteem than me and through that simple meeting those fundamental questions were reinvoked within me. A drive to answer them followed suit and when religion filled that hole in me and simplified this grand universe into a formula which was both sensible and comforting to the soul, it was nothing but a flame of love that ignited within me. It has been growing and fighting to remain a blaze since then and it is that same passion that has me writing these pieces of reflection today! Long story short, I fell in love with truth.

After giving Ali Bahi my heart, I awaited the chance to peek into his soul. He told me he too believed in Islam although he didn't follow all the practical guidelines. I think he felt that being a good hearted person with the right principles was most important. Ali Bahi also clarified that he knew the practical aspects of the religion were his duty to carry out and that God would judge him for his sins. From what Ali bahi related to me, I sensed within him a helplessness and at the same time a hope in the Mercy of his Lord. The helplessness in that he felt that he could not perform all of his duties and the hope that God would forgive him for these shortcomings. It would be very easy for me to judge him and say that his condition is no excuse to avoid the practical duties a Muslim has on his/her shoulders but alas...only He knows the conditions and hardships His servants undergoe. What I can say is that wherever it exists, I do not ever want to feel helpless in the face of wrong and evil. When I see this state in others I hope it pushes me to fight against my own helplessness in the face of my weaknesses and deficiencies. Easier said than done but the intention is the driving force behind the action. This reminds me of a tradition from the great leader of Islam, Imam 'Ali (as) (not a quote but the general idea), who says: “Take lesson from what you dislike in others”. There was much more to learn from 'Ali bahi and I was excited about what was to come ahead.

After our 'deep' talk, I went to my room to get some shut-eye. I was trying to maintain a routine of reciting the Qur'an those days before going to sleep and this night too, I took out the Holy Book. As I began to read, my heart stopped at what was being said. It was almost as if God knew exactly what I had been through and was talking directly to me through the Qur'an. I was in tears as I read on. For a moment I began to doubt whether this was for real...Believe it or not, the next line was as follows: “Never doubt that the essence of truth is from your Lord”. With that sense of security, I closed my eyes to a beautiful night...

Reflections on Pakistan (Part VII)

2008-04-01T18:25:00.000-07:00

After finishing the meal with my new-found family, there was talk of cutting the meat which was to be distributed. Eid, which is a Muslim holiday, begins with prayer at the Masjid and is succeeded by the sacraficing of an animal. Namely, a lamb, sheep, goat or cow. After sacraficing the animal, the meat is to be distributed into three portions. One for yourself, the other for kith and kin, and the last for the poor and needy. I was in Pakistan alone and my direct family from back home had requested that an animal be sacraficed on their behalf. It was a goat. Before we sacraficed the little guy, I got a chance to see it. It was beautiful. I had the opportunity to pat it and even take a few pictures with it! I was told that normally one should spend time with the animal they are going to sacrafice so that a bond develops between the person and the animal. This way the person who raises and cares for the animal has to carry out the sacrafice. In this manner, the individual truly feels how difficult it is to sacrafice something you love for a greater cause. This enactment of sacrafice on Eid is in commemoration of the Qur'anic account of Abraham being commanded to sacrafice his beloved son.

Growing up in America, I had never heard of it this way. The sacrafice never really meant much when it came to the realm of the heart. All I knew was that you had to sacrafice the animal, period. I must say that it was a valuable insight into my faith and for that matter into the nature of sacrafice itself. The true essence of sacrafice is directly linked to the condition of the heart. Meaning that inwardly, it should be a monumentous trial. It should require utmost patience, certitude, and trust in God. Through it, the heart should be strenghtened and faith perfected. I only wish that I could have had the opportunity to develop a bond with the animal to be sacraficed and thus truly feel the sacrafice but the circumstances did not permit me at the time.

In the afternoon, I accompanied Ali and Wajid Bahi to Nanni Khala's house, my other aunt. Some of the men from the family were gathering there to cut the meat. We were traveling down a narrow alleyway with buildings on both sides. The path widened after a few feet of driving and it was on the side there that we parked the car. All three of us got out of the car and walked along the path until we got to an open area. The floor was made of gray stones like in the old English towns. Sitting on it was a big puddle of blood that initally surprised me. I was careful to walk around it as we made our way to a man who was instructing a person whose profession, by the looks of it, was to kill and skin the animals to be sacraficed. Eventually, my eyes fell upon the dead cow laying on the ground. It had a lot of what was normally within it pulled out in front of its stomach. I had never seen anything like this before and believe it or not, I didn't have a sqeamish reaction. It was merely a feeling of wonder that I experienced.

The man doing the ordering was Khan uncle, my aunt's husband. We shook hands and exchanged greetings. There was some meat already waiting to be cut so the work had to begin immediately. I took my seat next to Ali Bahi who guided me on the process. I tried doing a little cutting myself but it was no sooner than I started, that I was slowing everyone down. Because of this I was given a different task. It is funny how sometimes you really want to help but the result of your good intention is negative. I almost felt helpless coming from an environment where I had learned the ins and outs of many day to day tasks to a place where I couldn't handle one simple task properly. It was as though I was starting all over and had to re-learn the basics of living in a society. I suppose it is natural given that it was a totally different culture and people. It also made me realize how helpless Man really is...it takes him an extremely long amount of time to get comfortable with and master his environment and the minute you take him out of his comfort zone, its back to square one!

After we finished cutting the meat, it was time to distribute a portion to the poor. Khan uncle was in charge of the task. Many young kids with scruffy clothes came running to get the meat. Before long, a crowd of young children gathered around Khan uncle. Some had come with bags made of cloth, others with plastic bags, and some even with pots. It was scene that truly took me aback. What was most disturbing to me was that there was no sense of self dignity in the manner with which these children were begging. They were pushing one another out of the way and practically fighting each other to put their bags before Khan uncle. I sensed that those children were much older than their age. There were no cartoons or fairy tales on their minds...they were focused. They had a goal and purpose in mind and were willing to do anything to accomplish it. I wondered if those children had been sent by their parents because it was more effective in gaining the sympathy of others. It was a sad thought but I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out to be true. Amongst the crowd of children was a woman who was also pushing and shoving to put her pot before Khan uncle. Once he filled it with meat, she would take the meat out and say to Khan uncle, “You didn't give me anything.” She did this a number of times before Khan uncle began to yell at her. “Fear God!”, he said over and over again. The scene was really making me sick. I thought to myself, the audacity of that woman! First of all, she was shamelessly fighting with the children to get the meat and secondly she was using deception as a tool to fulfill her needs. I wasn't too happy about Khan uncle's reaction either. I suppose I wanted him to be gentler in the way he approached the situation.

I told Ali Bahi how I felt but didn't get much of a response. Nonetheless, I carried an ill feeling in my breast all the way back home. I was hoping I could bounce my thoughts off of someone else and that chance eventually came when I talked to my cousin Sammi. When I expressed my feelings to her, she had a totally different stance. At first I couldn't quite understand where she was coming from so a small argument broke out. Needless to say, throughout our discussion we were both observing our manners. She was doing so more than myself, given that I get very passionate at times. Her point was simple: What I saw was the natural result of poverty on a people. Essentially, poverty drives people to such a low point that they lose all manners and sense of self-respect. I, on the other hand, felt that poverty was no excuse to forego one's manners and morality. In retrospect, there are some alterations I've made to my stance. For one, there is no way that I would be as certain about what I was saying if I had actually been in the shoes of those children and lived their lives. In a nut shell, it is very easy to judge a people when you are not in their position. I wondered whether their parents had even given them the concept of standing by principles like honesty, integrity, and self-respect. Some of them probably didn't even have any parents and therefore the streets must have been their teacher and best friend. In such a situation, could they really be blamed? I imagine being one of those children initially having my God-given sense of morality. I wonder how long it would last when I would see all the other children around me competing with each other for ends meet. In such an environment, it is almost certain that a moral child would starve to death. Survival of the fittest! I find myself amazed at using an evolutionary concept more applicable to animals for these children...the offspring of humanity. Despite this new-found realization, I do believe that ideally noone should give up their morality under any circumstance. There are certain things, after all, that are worth dying for. I also feel motivated to change the circumstances of the poor after seeing and experiencing such a scene.

It was quite a day of discovery and introspection. Tommorrow lay ahead in this strange land that I was born in...Pakistan.

Reflections on Pakistan (Part VI)

2008-03-01T12:24:00.000-08:00

Eid day...I woke up from the knocking on my room door. It was Mami letting me know that Eid prayer would begin shortly and so I was to get ready pronto. I made my way into the bathroom to carry out the shave and shower routine. It was there that I confronted the first struggle of the day: how to adjust the water temperature? It was an arduous task indeed. At first it was burning hot...then freezing cold...this process repeated for some time until I found a bearable temperature. After showering, I hurriedly put on my shalwar kameez (native apparel) and set out to find Ali Bahi (Brother). He was all ready and waiting for me. I felt burdened. I have always hated being the reason for getting others late to an important event. Unfortunately, punctuality was never my strong point so its consequences were manifesting yet again. We rushed into the car and started out for the Masjid (Mosque). It was at a convenient five minute drive from the house which was quite different from the half-hour to hour commute that is often required to get to a Masjid in the States.

After we parked the car, we walked down a muddy pathway leading to the entrance of the Masjid. I could see my breath in the air which gave testimony to the cold weather. Upon entering, Ali Bahi took me to the side and said, “Be careful where you leave your shoes. Someone may steal them”. I watched him, puzzled at what he had just said. After all, it was a Masjid. A place of worship. How could someone be so indecent as to steal from a place where God was being remembered? Well, there wasn't much be done except taking heed to the words of wisdom just spoken. I followed Ali Bahi's lead in placing my shoes in a small bin located inside the Masjid. This particular Masjid had two segments: indoors and outdoors. The indoors segment was a little crowded so we took a seat in the portion which was more exposed to the chill! I don't like when I complain, but I can't deny that the weather was making me uncomfortable. To my surprise, we had arrived early. I wondered why Mami had been rushing us, then? A question I reserved for Ali Bahi until after prayer. The Imam (leader of prayer) was giving a speech in Urdu (Native tongue in Pakistan). Unfortunately, I was zoning in and out of what he was saying. Some of me was still feeling annoyed by the cold weather which kept stealing my attention and on top of that, I wasn't feeling too spiritual. I don't know exactly why. Part of the reason, I suppose, lies in what I call my prejudice towards 'Pakistani Islam'.

'Pakistani Islam' isn't really a type of Islam but rather an understanding I developed by observing how Pakistani parents often introduce the religion of Islam to their children. Some of the key characteristics of 'Pakistani Islam' include teaching the children how to read Arabic but not understand it. It is encouraged to read and memorize the Qur'an (Holy Scripture in Islam) even if it is without an understanding of the Book one has just inscribed in his/her heart! All in all, the stress is not placed on striving to grasp the message but rather on becoming containers of the message. Too many a times I have seen individuals who have memorized the Holy Qur'an but the effect of the message is not manifest in their being. I believe that truly inscribing the Holy Qur'an within one's heart should totally transform the person. Only when the heart feels every word of the Holy Qur'an as a reality can one truly be considered to know the Scripture by heart. In any case, continuing on with my description of 'Pakistani Islam'. Another aspect of it includes sharing stories that are claimed to be from the Holy Book but end up being from a tradition or an Islamic Poem. Not to down the stories, because they often have beautiful and priceless lessons but rather to show that we must be careful to cite our sources properly. Although there is much more to this concept, I will conclude with a characteristic that really bothers me. Within 'Pakistani Islam', the spirit of reflecting and questioning is discouraged! I believe that if a person possesses the truth, then no falsehood can stand against it. There is nothing to be afraid of because as Allah (swt) says in the Qur'an “Truth is distinct from Falsehood”. In fact, reflecting and questioning one's beliefs is precisely what leads to the strengthing of faith. The only time this is not of benefit is if the community does not provide the answers to the youth or the youth are not sincerely searching for the answers. Therefore, it is important for all the members of a Muslim Community to be well versed in the teachings of and philosophy behind Islam. Nonetheless, this should suffice for an understanding of my biased towards 'Pakistani Islam'.

It was cold and I was not very spiritual as I mentioned earlier. My negative feelings towards 'Pakistani Islam' only added fuel to the fire. And so, I had to fight all this to try and reap some benefit from what the Imam was saying. This struggle within me was an inevitable result of the truth that I knew all too well: This man may be sincere and sincere speech always has a positive effect on the heart. Unfortunately, the speech was very short and in the midst of my struggle it felt even shorter. Once it ended, everyone got on their feet to congregate for the prayer. I followed Ali Bahi into the indoors section of the Masjid. There was a cardboard box next to the wall which contained Topis (prayer hats) for the people to take at will. I decided not to. I did feel left out on my decision though, because almost everyone in the Masjid was wearing one. O well, I thought...No biggie. After the prayer, the eid sermon was delivered. It is considered a neccesary part of the Eid prayer. I could not grasp much of it because it was spoken very rapidly in Arabic. It was clear that the Imam had memorized what he was saying because he was speaking without any sense of consciousness to his words. This I didn't like because even if everyone in the room doesn't understand it, it is still important to say it like you mean it. Ofcourse, he may be well intended and so I am not passing judgement on the Imam. Also, my biased towards 'Pakistani Islam' may have distorted my vision a bit. If anything, however, I had the opportunity to take lesson from what I did not like.

On our way out, I grabbed my shoes from the bin. They were right where I left them so that was a relief. We met up with Abdullah and Wajid Bahi who were both due for some eid hugs. Wajid Bahi had a mischievous smile on his face. We found out later that their family had played a trick on us to get us to wake up early because supposedly Ali Bahi is known to get late. Well, that put both of us in the same boat. As mentioned earlier, punctuality is not my best friend. We drove back home to a goodly meal. Soon after I was to leave for another adventure...

Reflections on Pakistan (Part V)

2007-11-18T15:31:00.000-08:00

Night had fallen by the time we left for the local bazaar. Our car made its way through small alleys with hidden potholes and bumps, maneuvering around what seemed more like an obstacle course than infrastructure. Abbotabad was a beautiful town despite its underdevelopment. Sitting in the lap of towering mountains, it created a sense of humility in anyone who passed through its realm. I was sitting in the back seat of the car and had the privilege to indulge in the scenery. As I peered out the window, I found nothing but the scores of mountains appearing from all directions. To my surprise, there were hundreds of shining lights coming from these mountains; it was as if distant stars had descended on them whilst retaining their radiance. I found out that these lights were coming from houses that were established there.

As we approached the bazaar, the commotion and noise increased a good deal. I had come with Abdullah Bahi and his younger brother, Wajid Bahi, who I was recently introduced to. I stepped out of the car and looked around with a sense of curiosity. There were crowds of people walking up and down the street trying hard not to walk into one another. The weather was chilly outside and because of this most people had long woolen shawls (basically, a portable blanket!) wrapped around themselves. The smell in the air was, simply put, of food. Samosay, Kabaabs, Jalaybeez, and other such snacks and sweets were creating an alluring aroma. The bazaar was set up so there were many small shops along the street but one part of the bazaar was also indoors.

I followed Abdullah and Wajid into the indoors section while hoping to discover something interesting as I continued to observe the new environment. Inside, there were shoe stores, stores selling jackets and general winter apparel, and other stores I didn’t get the chance to explore. Abdullah and Wajid walked into one of them to meet some old friends they knew. They introduced me and we exchanged greetings. I watched closely as they interacted with one another. They joked around a little bit and the rest of their conversation consisted of catching up with one another. While watching, I sensed that although they were friends, they were definitely not very close. In Pakistan, there seems to be a culture of conversing with anyone and everyone, but having true friendships is often difficult and rare. Perhaps it has to do with the code of honor which is taken by every Pakistani youth that they should never feel anyone can be as close to them as their family. I believe this to be true and it was something which my parents instilled in me as well but at times this concept transforms into something which doesn’t sit well with me. Many-a-times Desi (South Asian) parents may discourage close friendships and promote ideas like “In the end, every one will look out for their own interests”. Often, this pushes the youth towards a tendency of distrust in relationships which inevitably puts a cap on something which could potentially be beautiful. In any case, true friendships are even hard to find in America but here the few that you end up hanging out with as an adult are often those you share a close bond with.

As Abdullah and the others continued their discussion, Wajid Bahi beckoned me to his side and suggested we take a small walk around the bazaar. “So, you want to buy anything from here?” he asked. “We have all sorts of stuff and by the way, pants are very cheap here compared to America, so I highly recommend you get some”, he added before I could reply to his initial question. I knew that I had to get a few things for my friends back home and I usually like to get my tasks done before I relax, so informed Wajid Bahi of my intentions. “This time we won’t be here for long, but we’ll come again and we can shop properly”, he said. That was weird…I thought that his question implied that it was ok to shop at the time, but I guess there was more to learn about people in Pakistan. While conversing with him, I noticed Wajid Bahi liked to talk. By no means do I mean this negatively. Rather, he was just someone who was very comfortable talking and didn’t seem to be undergoing the usual anxieties associated with meeting someone new. This characteristic of talking extends to most Pakistani people. Even though I don’t like to generalize, it is simply a culturally dominant trait…basically, speech is valued. In my opinion, speaking is overrated and the more a people engage in it the more they are able to strip speech of its worth! But enough of this cultural criticism, my time with Wajid Bahi was teaching me a lot.

Another thing I noticed was that the focus of the attention wasn’t particularly focused on me, being the new guest and all. Was I expecting something that all people desire despite ceaselessly returning with empty hands? To desire the attention of another person…I knew this to be secondary to desiring the love and closeness to God and hence considered my thoughts disappointing. I think meeting new people is something that is very common in Pakistan and happens more frequently and maybe for this reason it isn’t seen as something as significant as it is in other cultures. Nonetheless, I can’t deny that both Abdullah and Wajid Bahi treated me with great hospitality and kindness.

We returned home after an hour or so. It was a refreshing first day in Pakistan and it afforded me time to get to know the culture and my cousins a little better. We concluded the night with a delicious meal cooked by Khala Zora. I headed to bed with a satisfied stomach and an anticipation of the coming day…Eid!

Love of God

2007-08-21T12:39:00.000-07:00

Bismillah Ar-Rahman Ar-Rahim,

I begin in the name of Allah (God), The Beneficent, The Merciful.

My Dear brothers and sisters of all faiths and beliefs. I just wanted to share something with you all which I feel is so necessary for every human being to have. I say with confidence that this is not a thing to be desired but rather a thing which we all crucially need. For this reason, I sincerely pray that we all take from this what we can and use it to strengthen each other.

All of us, no matter what walk of life we are on or what level of understanding we have reached thus far, have a common goal. This common goal is true happiness. Deep witin our core we search for this peace hoping that something will quench this undying thirst. The poor man looks for it in wealth. The student looks for it in a successful career. Some look for it in finding a soul mate. But the essence of this search is that inclination to find true happiness.

Can our Beloved Creator allow for this need to stir within the depths of our being and not provide us with the remedy? Would he not provide us with the very need He placed within us?

The Holy Qur'an beautifully answers us:

"In the remembrance of God do the hearts find satisfaction" (13:28)

God has revealed something which is so powerful and profound that it makes one shake in gratitude. In the first place, He has given us the gift of life when there was none to care about whether we exist or not and on top of this He has honored us to such a degree that He has made Himself the answer to our undying need! When He takes His place in our hearts, there will be nothing more our essence needs and nothing else will be desired.

There are two traditions of our Holy Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) which are worthy of our reflection:

"The heart is the sanctuary of God"

"The heart is the throne of the Beneficent"

These two traditions show us that the heart is for God and God alone. Noone and nothing else belongs there. If we try to love the transient things in life, they will pass. Nothing lasts except for the love of God.

This love of God can be replaced by nothing else and once we have it there is nothing you and I won't do for it. You will give everything you have as long as you know that your Beloved is with you. Such beauty and tranquility does the heart feel in loving God. This is a thing we all need to develop within us. I swear in sincerity that nothing compares to the peace that loving God brings.

If I could but express it in words but it would never do justice. All the tears we ever cried for His sake would not be able to measure up to thanking Him for giving us this blessing of loving Him. This should be our true goal and the aim of all our efforts.

I want to leave you with a few words that are very special and dear to my heart. They come from a sincere servant of God, supplicating to His Beloved as his heart trembles and his tears fall freely:

My God, who can have tasted the sweetness of Your love and wanted another in place of You?

Who could have become intimate with Your nearness and then sought removal from You?

These words of beauty come from none other than my Beloved Imam Zainul 'Abideen (as). I can not imagine what he must have been feeling as these phrases left his mouth. How pure was this man's heart? How intense was his longing? There is none that can taste the love of God and then want anything else after it, as my beloved Imam has mentioned. I pray that we all can reach this true love of God. I conclude with a verse from the Qur'an:

"And the true believers are overflowing with love for God" (2:165)

-------------------

If you are interested in reading the full version of the supplication I cited above, you can visit the link below:

http://www.duas.org/sajjadiya/dua77.htm

Who Created Who?

2007-04-14T23:44:00.000-07:00

The “intellectuals” and “truly informed” personalities of today, tell us that belief in God is a flimsy hypothesis which has no credibility on the grounds of reasoning. With this understanding, many people have proposed different theories regarding how religion and belief in God was created by society. I, on the other hand, believe that those who reject the belief in God have no evidence for what they claim. In fact, I believe the evidence points in the opposite direction of what is commonly thought. So, is it really reasonable to think that the belief in a Creator is a myth? Or that religion was just cooked up by someone who might have wanted to exercise his power over people? Well, let’s put these questions to the test by examining them with a closer eye.

I always hear people say, “If I can't see God, then how can I believe in Him?” This shaky argument is surprisingly still the basis of thought for many atheists in the scientific community. Science is limited to the five senses. Therefore, it can never tell us anything about matters that are beyond sense perception. For example, questions of morality and human values are outside of the scope of science. It is a field that reveals a partial knowledge of our reality, but too many of us get fooled into thinking it is the sole criterion for truth. Since, God is a being beyond sense perception, how can we use our senses as a tool for determining whether He exists or not?

Another common reason for opposing religion is that it is used as a tool for propaganda and a means to gather people under the flag of fear. By creating the notion of an after-life where the wrong-doers will be punished, one can control the behavior of the masses. This is hardly evidence of the creation of religion by society. First of all, this assumes that religions are fundamentally based around fear and it is because of this fear that people follow a religion and behave morally. This couldn't be further from the truth. Ask an adherent of any religion why he/she has faith. You will hardly ever hear “because I am scared”. Talk to a Christian and they will tell you that love is what drives them towards religion rather than fear.

Besides, is fear the only way to get people to behave? Doesn’t a person naturally feel good when he gives to the needy or does some other good action? So why does fear need to be used to propagate good? If everyone decided not to help society and only look after personal interests, humanity would be doomed. I would argue that education could also be used as a means to rectifying behavior. One could teach the people that acting solely on self-interest will lead to the destruction of society as a whole. Education would be a better alternative than using fear as the tool. So why would anyone go through the trouble of creating a complex religious dogma?

Although, it’s possible to deny the truth of a particular religion, it is irrational to deny the existence of certain people in the past who claimed to be prophets. The principle of probability allows us to realize that certain events must have taken place in history. For example, millions of people have written and spoken about the wars of past, so we can be sure that these wars did indeed take place. It is improbable and illogical for us to think that all these people were involved in some big conspiracy in which they all joined hands in lying to us. What are the odds? Using the same reasoning, we have to admit the existence of personalities such as Jesus and Muhammad who promoted certain messages. How can such an enormous amount of people write about the lives of these personalities, if they really didn’t exist? So let's reflect. The creators of religion decided they needed to tame the behavior of man. So someone volunteered to promote righteousness even in the face of persecution and torture. On top of this, entire communities walked behind these people ready to bear hardships and trials. If Jesus' only motive was to control the behavior of man, would he be willing to give his life for it? If Muhammad was a fiend for power, then why face persecution at the hands of the Arab tribes that lived in his time?

We often try to think about how religions could have been created by people, but have we ever questioned this very thinking? Where did the atheistic and anti-religious movements of today come from? One driving factor was the past resistance of the Christian elites to scientific research which led to the prosecution of great people like Galileo. This divorcing of religion and science is what led many good-intended people to turn their backs on religion because of its closed-mindedness to new discoveries. The mistake these people made was that they threw the baby out with the bath water and rejected any notion of a Creator, whatsoever.

So here we are today witnessing this great divide between science and religion. But does the scientific evidence really point towards a universe free from the need of a Creator? The prominent and most heavily backed theory regarding the origin of the universe is the big-bang theory. The theory of the universe being eternal has been completely disproven by science. The big-bang theory states that there was a big explosion which caused time, matter, and space to come into existence. Prior to this bang, there was nothing. So, let's examine what's being said. There was absolutely nothing and then a bang causes the universe to come into existence. The question of the day is “can something come out of nothing?” Have you ever seen a blob of nothingness flying 80 mph hit another blob of nothingness flying at 50 mph and boom! Something miraculously appears. Obviously, something had to have caused the bang...something outside of time, matter, and space; not physical but metaphysical; perhaps, a Creator or whatever name you would like to give it. Is this evidence or not? I'll let you decide.

Undescribed Feelings

2007-04-01T21:36:00.000-07:00

The sun, moon, and stars
Working in harmony, mysterious and far
I live and see the surface but have a feeling something is under
I feel this feeling when I see a new born smile
Or when I think back to the days of youth, when me and you would run wild
Taking out the old photo ablum always hits the spot
So many insignificant occasions when me and my little sister fought
And you know how the little things turn out to be big
Those are the ones that you always come to miss
Undescribed these feelings
When underneath the whole picture, there's something unique I'm seeing
They're telling me there is no God to believe in,
When these are the places where He can be so easily seen in

Reflections on Pakistan (Part IV)

2007-03-26T07:45:00.000-07:00

Houses in Pakistan are a lot different from America. They are flat roofed and if you have a decent income, they are usually big. When we entered my cousins’ house, it was quiet. After all it was around seven in the morning. Ali Bahi was walking ahead of me and had the honor of waking everyone up. We first went into Khala Zora’s bedroom. Her husband and she were awake but just sitting up in bed. They invited me in and we exchanged greetings. I took my seat on a pillow on the floor. Ali Bahi’s mom (I will use “Mami” to refer to Ali’s mom from now on for ease in writing) was next to me on the floor. Ali Bahi was on a couch to my left. I inspected my environment after having settled down. The room had a cozy feeling to it. I don’t mean the cozy feeling like in front of the fire place in a wooden floored house. It was unique. There were no windows and the predominant color emanating from the room was green. There was a small heater running off of gas right in front of me. I was advised to put my feet in front of it, to keep myself warm. In Pakistan, central heating is not common at all, and people usually have these gas heaters for each room.

After some chatting with Khala Zora and her husband, Usama Uncle, Khala Zora’s second oldest son came in to the room. I got up to greet him and we hugged as well. His parents introduced him as Abdullah. It was funny, I thought, that everyone knew my name but I was totally lost when it came to my family. After taking a seat next to Ali Bahi, Abdullah asked some routine questions. Abdullah was just a little younger than Ali Bahi. I sat there talking to him as well as the rest of the family, trying to get a better picture of who this long lost family of mine really was.

I brought up the story of what happened to me at the airport in Boston. When I was going through the security check process, I was “randomly selected” for a more thorough check. The security guard pulled me to the side. He came up really close, clearly invading my personal space. Looking down at me, he spoke: “Now this can be quick if you want it to be?” I knew he was trying to intimidate me and…it was working to some degree. “If you have any problems or you feel uncomfortable as I search you, we can relocate and the process may become longer. Do you want this to take longer?” I calmly responded with a no, trying hard to fight the anxiety that was building up. After padding me down, he let me go. I felt a little humiliated…and this was nothing. I wondered the level of humiliation that others must have felt in more serious situations. Just the way they try to frighten you, makes you seem guilty of a crime you didn’t commit. I felt nervous when I had done nothing wrong. How many innocent people must have been accused using this tactic? Living in America for Muslims is tough, and this reaffirmed my stance on the issue.

Anyway, this was the crux of what I related to my family. In retrospect, I don’t know exactly why I decided to share this with them. I suppose in order to get a feeling of family or being close to a people, I felt I had to share something. Since this story happened recently, I figured, why not use this. I gave them a piece of who I was through it, and their reaction to it gave me a piece of who they were. I already felt a little closer to everyone in the room.

After eating breakfast, I went to Ali Bahi’s house next door to take a nap. The plan for later that evening was for Abdullah to take me to the Abbotobad bazaar…

Reflections on Pakistan (Part III)

2007-03-22T15:38:00.000-07:00

I was behind Sunny and his father, as I pushed my luggage trolley, walking through the crowd of people awaiting their loved ones. I was watching attentively for a face that I may recognize, and....there they were. Ali Bahi (Urdu term for brother) and his mother. I recognized him from his wedding movie which was sent to us in America. Ali Bahi was about thirty seven years old, which made him much older than me. When I looked at him, he had a wide smile on his face, which gave me the impression that he too had recognized me. Already, I couldn't help but feel the love that was radiating from his aura. Upon reaching him, we hugged. "Asalamu 'Alaykum!" (May peace be upon you), I said to him, which is the traditional Muslim greeting. He returned my salutation with a "Wa 'Alaykum Salaam" (And on you). I then turned my attention to his mother who seemed like a very nice old woman. Her kindness and motherhood could be detected from the first meeting. We also exchanged salutations. After engaging in some small talk, I realized I had forgot about Sunny and his dad. I looked to my right and found them standing next to some new faces. I introduced them to my family and they introduced me to theirs. The trip had officially begun as Sunny and I parted ways and I followed Ali Bahi and his mom out of the airport.

Ali Bahi had taken hold of the trolley and was pushing it for me. I, of course, had no choice in this since it was the courtesy embedded in the culture there. As we made our way across the parking lot to the car, I heard someone close by say something. I turned to check whether I was being addressed and to my surprise, I was. “Bahya, Allah kay naam pe madat kar de” (My brother, help me for the sake of God). It was a middle aged man, wearing raggedy clothing. His skin complexion was generally dark and he was just about my height if not shorter. He came closer and repeated his request. I was trying to figure out the right thing to do but the man demanded a response. Based on negative past experiences and the bad reputation of Pakistan's beggars I decided to say: “Nahin, maaf karna”(Sorry, I can't help you). I continued to follow Ali Bahi, and he followed behind me. Again, he said “Reham kar ke, pasa day de” (Have pity on me and spare some money). By this time, I began to ignore him but I felt his presence close behind. At that moment, Ali Bahi turned to see the man following me. In a swift move, Ali Bahi took a step toward the man so as to startle him and told him to get away and continued to push the trolley forward. We finally reached the car but the man had still not left my side. Realizing that ignoring him was not a comfortable alternative, I looked at him and apologized for not being able to help him. “You Ready?”, Ali Bahi said. Relieved that I could escape the uneasy situation, I quickly got in the car.

We were headed for Abbotobad, which is a city in Northern Pakistan. On the car ride their, I found myself asking many questions. Ali Bahi, on the other hand, was comfortable in his silence. I was sitting on the passengers side, which by the way is on the left side in Pakistan, and Ali Bahi's mom was in the back. My questioning may have been coming from my recently-developed policy of not being shy around my family, but forcing out a feeling of confidence didn't exactly do the trick. I suppose another reason for the questions was the new environment I was curious about.

In the back of my head, I knew that Fajr (morning prayer for a Muslim) time was approaching, but I was waiting for the right time to raise my concern. It was getting light out pretty quick and Fajr would be null by sunrise so I had to speak now. “Ali Bahi, I need to pray Fajr, so do you think we can stop somewhere?”, I finally asked. “You want to pray now?”, he asked turning his head towards me and then quickly back to the road ahead. “Do you want to pray in the car? We can stop if you want though?”, he continued. I felt uncomfortable asking him to stop because I didn't want to burden him. Then again, what excuse can their be when one is serving his Lord? Instead of juggling with it in my mind any longer, I took the easy way out. “I'll pray in the car. That's fine.”, I responded. It didn't feel right. I knew what I had wanted but I didn't have the courage to act. Already, I felt defeated. What if he thought I was too religious? And that's never desired even as religious person because to bring about any good, reputation matters. In any case, I prayed Fajr, and put those thoughts behind me.

We were traveling on Silk Road. It was named as such because the long road goes into China and silk is then purchased from Chinese merchants and brought back into Pakistan. It was quiet beautiful along the way with the sun coming up. There were trees along the side of the road that reminded me of the one from karate kid. There were also many Pakistanis dressed in traditional attire just standing on the side of the road. I asked Ali Bahi, what they were doing. “They have nothing better to do. There's a lot of free time in Pakistan”, he responded with a subtle laugh. The closer we got to Abbotobad, the more it seemed that we were going backwards in time. From the modern looking airport city to something that felt like it was out of a movie. Soon enough, we were at our destination. Ali Bahi's house was empty because he was living in Islamabad(capital of Pakistan) now a days. His house was next door to my Khala(mother's sister) Zora's house. We were going to have breakfast there. As we made our way to the house, I wondered what was to come next...

Reflections on Pakistan (Part II)

2007-03-16T21:40:00.000-07:00

The time until landing was approaching quick. I remember thinking that I don’t want to by shy around my family. I was preparing myself to be myself. I couldn’t allow them to have so much power over me; the fact that they had not even taken an action, and I was spending my time fearing what they would think of me, was dumbfounding. Nonetheless, the anxiousness was drowned out by the excitement of exploring a new world. Landing into Pakistan was a thrilling experience but also a relief from the twenty-two hour long flight. We exited the airplane via a narrow staircase; this was something I wanted to do since I was a kid. I used to watch the tv glorify famous politicians as they came off of the plane waving to their supporters.

There were buses waiting to take the us from the run-way to the Islamabad Airport. When I got on the bus that’s when it hit me: I was in another world. Everyone on the bus was Pakistani. The small time I spent on the bus was something that stuck with me. There were no seats. Everyone was standing but of course there were supports to hold on to so the passengers wouldn’t fall on one another. Sunny and I were standing on one side and Sunny’s father was at a small distance to our left. Sunny’s father quickly made himself comfortable as he began to joke around with the other Pakistanis on the bus in our native tongue. Sunny and I smiled at each other watching the phenomena take place. It was interesting to see how the people in Pakistan were so comfortable talking to each other in contrast to how people in Massachusetts tend avoid having conversations with “strangers”. The word “strangers” and the negative vibes it carries in the context of American culture implies, to some degree, the existence of an individualistic ideology. In Pakistan, one wouldn’t really consider their fellow Pakistani a “stranger” (at least not in a negative sense); a good example of how much language can tell you about a people. Back to where we were, the bus pulled up to the airport and we entered together.

There were lines of people waiting to clear immigration. I remember Sunny and his father had to move to a separate line because they were U.S. citizens and I was still a permanent resident carrying around my green Pakistani passport. After immigration, we headed to the baggage claim. I remember inhaling the second hand smoke as people stood around the revolving belt. Sunny and I laughed about how it was already looking like Pakistan had some lax rules...

Reflections on Pakistan (Part I)

2007-03-16T19:48:00.000-07:00

I remember feeling excited getting on the airplane. I hadn’t flown since I was six and I was now twenty-one years old. Just the take-off was so amazing a feeling. I recall looking below at the tiny gleaming lights in the distance and what a beautiful view of the city it was. It was then that I began to feel so very small; as though Allah (God) was showing me how easy it was for Him to take me from one world and put me into another which I was totally unfamiliar with. I could hardly believe that I was going to Pakistan, my home country. I hadn’t been there for fifteen years and all that I could remember of it now were fragmented memories of my extended family and childhood experiences. I saw the trip as an opportunity to discover my roots, to use it to understand what shaped my parents, as well as a chapter in my life where I would learn from the lessons of adjusting to a world foreign to mine. More importantly, Pakistan was my place of birth and origin. It was the land I had first opened my eyes in. Thus, it was an adventure see with a mature understanding what I had first seen upon entering this world.

I almost forgot to mention that I was traveling with one of my best friends, Sunny. He was actually going to Pakistan with his father. We had the chance of sitting together on the first flight, but that was because his father decided to trade seats with me. Sunny had the window seat, but I would lean over when I wanted to see the view below. On our way to London, we discussed topics that ranged from religion to investing in stocks to our expectations of what was to come in Pakistan. This continued until both of us became exhausted. It was great to talk to him because college life kept us distant, given that we go to different schools.

While traveling to Pakistan, there were many stops in different countries. The flight-route was from Boston to London, from London to Bahrain, and finally from Bahrain to Islamabad. The first foreign airport I stopped at was the London Heathrow Airport. I was left dazzled studying the people of that land, their speech, and their behavior. It felt like a movie seeing the airport employees speaking in their British accent and this time the people weren’t acting. My heart yearned to go out into London city to explore some more to witness for myself, how vast indeed Allah (God) has created this earth. Bahrain was also amazing. There, I saw all the Arabs dressed in traditional attire which included the checkered red cloth which some wear on their heads. It was interesting to see. This was a world where I was no longer a minority and a place where I felt I would be accepted easily. This too was a world my heart desired to explore. I yearned to leave the airport and run into the city to examine the people and their lifestyle. The airport was also beautiful in Bahrain with its mini-mall inside. I can distinctly remember passing by a small shop where I saw a set of colorful toy birds which were attached to the ceiling and were flying in repetitive circles. While in Bahrain, Sunny, his father, and I enjoyed halaal(analogous to kosher for the Jewish) grilled chicken burgers, which we purchased with the Bahraini currency we had recently bought. As the time to board the flight was nearing, we moved towards our gate of departure. This was the last flight that was to take us directly into Pakistan. I was exhausted from the jet lag but the thought of nearing my destination kept me wakeful as I boarded the plane…