Reflections on Pakistan (Part V)

Night had fallen by the time we left for the local bazaar. Our car made its way through small alleys with hidden potholes and bumps, maneuvering around what seemed more like an obstacle course than infrastructure. Abbotabad was a beautiful town despite its underdevelopment. Sitting in the lap of towering mountains, it created a sense of humility in anyone who passed through its realm. I was sitting in the back seat of the car and had the privilege to indulge in the scenery. As I peered out the window, I found nothing but the scores of mountains appearing from all directions. To my surprise, there were hundreds of shining lights coming from these mountains; it was as if distant stars had descended on them whilst retaining their radiance. I found out that these lights were coming from houses that were established there.

As we approached the bazaar, the commotion and noise increased a good deal. I had come with Abdullah Bahi and his younger brother, Wajid Bahi, who I was recently introduced to. I stepped out of the car and looked around with a sense of curiosity. There were crowds of people walking up and down the street trying hard not to walk into one another. The weather was chilly outside and because of this most people had long woolen shawls (basically, a portable blanket!) wrapped around themselves. The smell in the air was, simply put, of food. Samosay, Kabaabs, Jalaybeez, and other such snacks and sweets were creating an alluring aroma. The bazaar was set up so there were many small shops along the street but one part of the bazaar was also indoors.

I followed Abdullah and Wajid into the indoors section while hoping to discover something interesting as I continued to observe the new environment. Inside, there were shoe stores, stores selling jackets and general winter apparel, and other stores I didn’t get the chance to explore. Abdullah and Wajid walked into one of them to meet some old friends they knew. They introduced me and we exchanged greetings. I watched closely as they interacted with one another. They joked around a little bit and the rest of their conversation consisted of catching up with one another. While watching, I sensed that although they were friends, they were definitely not very close. In Pakistan, there seems to be a culture of conversing with anyone and everyone, but having true friendships is often difficult and rare. Perhaps it has to do with the code of honor which is taken by every Pakistani youth that they should never feel anyone can be as close to them as their family. I believe this to be true and it was something which my parents instilled in me as well but at times this concept transforms into something which doesn’t sit well with me. Many-a-times Desi (South Asian) parents may discourage close friendships and promote ideas like “In the end, every one will look out for their own interests”. Often, this pushes the youth towards a tendency of distrust in relationships which inevitably puts a cap on something which could potentially be beautiful. In any case, true friendships are even hard to find in America but here the few that you end up hanging out with as an adult are often those you share a close bond with.

As Abdullah and the others continued their discussion, Wajid Bahi beckoned me to his side and suggested we take a small walk around the bazaar. “So, you want to buy anything from here?” he asked. “We have all sorts of stuff and by the way, pants are very cheap here compared to America, so I highly recommend you get some”, he added before I could reply to his initial question. I knew that I had to get a few things for my friends back home and I usually like to get my tasks done before I relax, so informed Wajid Bahi of my intentions. “This time we won’t be here for long, but we’ll come again and we can shop properly”, he said. That was weird…I thought that his question implied that it was ok to shop at the time, but I guess there was more to learn about people in Pakistan. While conversing with him, I noticed Wajid Bahi liked to talk. By no means do I mean this negatively. Rather, he was just someone who was very comfortable talking and didn’t seem to be undergoing the usual anxieties associated with meeting someone new. This characteristic of talking extends to most Pakistani people. Even though I don’t like to generalize, it is simply a culturally dominant trait…basically, speech is valued. In my opinion, speaking is overrated and the more a people engage in it the more they are able to strip speech of its worth! But enough of this cultural criticism, my time with Wajid Bahi was teaching me a lot.

Another thing I noticed was that the focus of the attention wasn’t particularly focused on me, being the new guest and all. Was I expecting something that all people desire despite ceaselessly returning with empty hands? To desire the attention of another person…I knew this to be secondary to desiring the love and closeness to God and hence considered my thoughts disappointing. I think meeting new people is something that is very common in Pakistan and happens more frequently and maybe for this reason it isn’t seen as something as significant as it is in other cultures. Nonetheless, I can’t deny that both Abdullah and Wajid Bahi treated me with great hospitality and kindness.

We returned home after an hour or so. It was a refreshing first day in Pakistan and it afforded me time to get to know the culture and my cousins a little better. We concluded the night with a delicious meal cooked by Khala Zora. I headed to bed with a satisfied stomach and an anticipation of the coming day…Eid!

Love of God

Bismillah Ar-Rahman Ar-Rahim,

I begin in the name of Allah (God), The Beneficent, The Merciful.

My Dear brothers and sisters of all faiths and beliefs. I just wanted to share something with you all which I feel is so necessary for every human being to have. I say with confidence that this is not a thing to be desired but rather a thing which we all crucially need. For this reason, I sincerely pray that we all take from this what we can and use it to strengthen each other.

All of us, no matter what walk of life we are on or what level of understanding we have reached thus far, have a common goal. This common goal is true happiness. Deep witin our core we search for this peace hoping that something will quench this undying thirst. The poor man looks for it in wealth. The student looks for it in a successful career. Some look for it in finding a soul mate. But the essence of this search is that inclination to find true happiness.

Can our Beloved Creator allow for this need to stir within the depths of our being and not provide us with the remedy? Would he not provide us with the very need He placed within us?

The Holy Qur'an beautifully answers us:

"In the remembrance of God do the hearts find satisfaction" (13:28)

God has revealed something which is so powerful and profound that it makes one shake in gratitude. In the first place, He has given us the gift of life when there was none to care about whether we exist or not and on top of this He has honored us to such a degree that He has made Himself the answer to our undying need! When He takes His place in our hearts, there will be nothing more our essence needs and nothing else will be desired.

There are two traditions of our Holy Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) which are worthy of our reflection:

"The heart is the sanctuary of God"

"The heart is the throne of the Beneficent"

These two traditions show us that the heart is for God and God alone. Noone and nothing else belongs there. If we try to love the transient things in life, they will pass. Nothing lasts except for the love of God.

This love of God can be replaced by nothing else and once we have it there is nothing you and I won't do for it. You will give everything you have as long as you know that your Beloved is with you. Such beauty and tranquility does the heart feel in loving God. This is a thing we all need to develop within us. I swear in sincerity that nothing compares to the peace that loving God brings.

If I could but express it in words but it would never do justice. All the tears we ever cried for His sake would not be able to measure up to thanking Him for giving us this blessing of loving Him. This should be our true goal and the aim of all our efforts.

I want to leave you with a few words that are very special and dear to my heart. They come from a sincere servant of God, supplicating to His Beloved as his heart trembles and his tears fall freely:

My God, who can have tasted the sweetness of Your love and wanted another in place of You?

Who could have become intimate with Your nearness and then sought removal from You?

These words of beauty come from none other than my Beloved Imam Zainul 'Abideen (as). I can not imagine what he must have been feeling as these phrases left his mouth. How pure was this man's heart? How intense was his longing? There is none that can taste the love of God and then want anything else after it, as my beloved Imam has mentioned. I pray that we all can reach this true love of God. I conclude with a verse from the Qur'an:

"And the true believers are overflowing with love for God" (2:165)

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If you are interested in reading the full version of the supplication I cited above, you can visit the link below:

http://www.duas.org/sajjadiya/dua77.htm

Who Created Who?

The “intellectuals” and “truly informed” personalities of today, tell us that belief in God is a flimsy hypothesis which has no credibility on the grounds of reasoning. With this understanding, many people have proposed different theories regarding how religion and belief in God was created by society. I, on the other hand, believe that those who reject the belief in God have no evidence for what they claim. In fact, I believe the evidence points in the opposite direction of what is commonly thought. So, is it really reasonable to think that the belief in a Creator is a myth? Or that religion was just cooked up by someone who might have wanted to exercise his power over people? Well, let’s put these questions to the test by examining them with a closer eye.

I always hear people say, “If I can't see God, then how can I believe in Him?” This shaky argument is surprisingly still the basis of thought for many atheists in the scientific community. Science is limited to the five senses. Therefore, it can never tell us anything about matters that are beyond sense perception. For example, questions of morality and human values are outside of the scope of science. It is a field that reveals a partial knowledge of our reality, but too many of us get fooled into thinking it is the sole criterion for truth. Since, God is a being beyond sense perception, how can we use our senses as a tool for determining whether He exists or not?

Another common reason for opposing religion is that it is used as a tool for propaganda and a means to gather people under the flag of fear. By creating the notion of an after-life where the wrong-doers will be punished, one can control the behavior of the masses. This is hardly evidence of the creation of religion by society. First of all, this assumes that religions are fundamentally based around fear and it is because of this fear that people follow a religion and behave morally. This couldn't be further from the truth. Ask an adherent of any religion why he/she has faith. You will hardly ever hear “because I am scared”. Talk to a Christian and they will tell you that love is what drives them towards religion rather than fear.

Besides, is fear the only way to get people to behave? Doesn’t a person naturally feel good when he gives to the needy or does some other good action? So why does fear need to be used to propagate good? If everyone decided not to help society and only look after personal interests, humanity would be doomed. I would argue that education could also be used as a means to rectifying behavior. One could teach the people that acting solely on self-interest will lead to the destruction of society as a whole. Education would be a better alternative than using fear as the tool. So why would anyone go through the trouble of creating a complex religious dogma?

Although, it’s possible to deny the truth of a particular religion, it is irrational to deny the existence of certain people in the past who claimed to be prophets. The principle of probability allows us to realize that certain events must have taken place in history. For example, millions of people have written and spoken about the wars of past, so we can be sure that these wars did indeed take place. It is improbable and illogical for us to think that all these people were involved in some big conspiracy in which they all joined hands in lying to us. What are the odds? Using the same reasoning, we have to admit the existence of personalities such as Jesus and Muhammad who promoted certain messages. How can such an enormous amount of people write about the lives of these personalities, if they really didn’t exist? So let's reflect. The creators of religion decided they needed to tame the behavior of man. So someone volunteered to promote righteousness even in the face of persecution and torture. On top of this, entire communities walked behind these people ready to bear hardships and trials. If Jesus' only motive was to control the behavior of man, would he be willing to give his life for it? If Muhammad was a fiend for power, then why face persecution at the hands of the Arab tribes that lived in his time?

We often try to think about how religions could have been created by people, but have we ever questioned this very thinking? Where did the atheistic and anti-religious movements of today come from? One driving factor was the past resistance of the Christian elites to scientific research which led to the prosecution of great people like Galileo. This divorcing of religion and science is what led many good-intended people to turn their backs on religion because of its closed-mindedness to new discoveries. The mistake these people made was that they threw the baby out with the bath water and rejected any notion of a Creator, whatsoever.

So here we are today witnessing this great divide between science and religion. But does the scientific evidence really point towards a universe free from the need of a Creator? The prominent and most heavily backed theory regarding the origin of the universe is the big-bang theory. The theory of the universe being eternal has been completely disproven by science. The big-bang theory states that there was a big explosion which caused time, matter, and space to come into existence. Prior to this bang, there was nothing. So, let's examine what's being said. There was absolutely nothing and then a bang causes the universe to come into existence. The question of the day is “can something come out of nothing?” Have you ever seen a blob of nothingness flying 80 mph hit another blob of nothingness flying at 50 mph and boom! Something miraculously appears. Obviously, something had to have caused the bang...something outside of time, matter, and space; not physical but metaphysical; perhaps, a Creator or whatever name you would like to give it. Is this evidence or not? I'll let you decide.

Undescribed Feelings

The sun, moon, and stars
Working in harmony, mysterious and far
I live and see the surface but have a feeling something is under
I feel this feeling when I see a new born smile
Or when I think back to the days of youth, when me and you would run wild
Taking out the old photo ablum always hits the spot
So many insignificant occasions when me and my little sister fought
And you know how the little things turn out to be big
Those are the ones that you always come to miss
Undescribed these feelings
When underneath the whole picture, there's something unique I'm seeing
They're telling me there is no God to believe in,
When these are the places where He can be so easily seen in

Reflections on Pakistan (Part IV)

Houses in Pakistan are a lot different from America. They are flat roofed and if you have a decent income, they are usually big. When we entered my cousins’ house, it was quiet. After all it was around seven in the morning. Ali Bahi was walking ahead of me and had the honor of waking everyone up. We first went into Khala Zora’s bedroom. Her husband and she were awake but just sitting up in bed. They invited me in and we exchanged greetings. I took my seat on a pillow on the floor. Ali Bahi’s mom (I will use “Mami” to refer to Ali’s mom from now on for ease in writing) was next to me on the floor. Ali Bahi was on a couch to my left. I inspected my environment after having settled down. The room had a cozy feeling to it. I don’t mean the cozy feeling like in front of the fire place in a wooden floored house. It was unique. There were no windows and the predominant color emanating from the room was green. There was a small heater running off of gas right in front of me. I was advised to put my feet in front of it, to keep myself warm. In Pakistan, central heating is not common at all, and people usually have these gas heaters for each room.

After some chatting with Khala Zora and her husband, Usama Uncle, Khala Zora’s second oldest son came in to the room. I got up to greet him and we hugged as well. His parents introduced him as Abdullah. It was funny, I thought, that everyone knew my name but I was totally lost when it came to my family. After taking a seat next to Ali Bahi, Abdullah asked some routine questions. Abdullah was just a little younger than Ali Bahi. I sat there talking to him as well as the rest of the family, trying to get a better picture of who this long lost family of mine really was.

I brought up the story of what happened to me at the airport in Boston. When I was going through the security check process, I was “randomly selected” for a more thorough check. The security guard pulled me to the side. He came up really close, clearly invading my personal space. Looking down at me, he spoke: “Now this can be quick if you want it to be?” I knew he was trying to intimidate me and…it was working to some degree. “If you have any problems or you feel uncomfortable as I search you, we can relocate and the process may become longer. Do you want this to take longer?” I calmly responded with a no, trying hard to fight the anxiety that was building up. After padding me down, he let me go. I felt a little humiliated…and this was nothing. I wondered the level of humiliation that others must have felt in more serious situations. Just the way they try to frighten you, makes you seem guilty of a crime you didn’t commit. I felt nervous when I had done nothing wrong. How many innocent people must have been accused using this tactic? Living in America for Muslims is tough, and this reaffirmed my stance on the issue.

Anyway, this was the crux of what I related to my family. In retrospect, I don’t know exactly why I decided to share this with them. I suppose in order to get a feeling of family or being close to a people, I felt I had to share something. Since this story happened recently, I figured, why not use this. I gave them a piece of who I was through it, and their reaction to it gave me a piece of who they were. I already felt a little closer to everyone in the room.

After eating breakfast, I went to Ali Bahi’s house next door to take a nap. The plan for later that evening was for Abdullah to take me to the Abbotobad bazaar…

Reflections on Pakistan (Part III)

I was behind Sunny and his father, as I pushed my luggage trolley, walking through the crowd of people awaiting their loved ones. I was watching attentively for a face that I may recognize, and....there they were. Ali Bahi (Urdu term for brother) and his mother. I recognized him from his wedding movie which was sent to us in America. Ali Bahi was about thirty seven years old, which made him much older than me. When I looked at him, he had a wide smile on his face, which gave me the impression that he too had recognized me. Already, I couldn't help but feel the love that was radiating from his aura. Upon reaching him, we hugged. "Asalamu 'Alaykum!" (May peace be upon you), I said to him, which is the traditional Muslim greeting. He returned my salutation with a "Wa 'Alaykum Salaam" (And on you). I then turned my attention to his mother who seemed like a very nice old woman. Her kindness and motherhood could be detected from the first meeting. We also exchanged salutations. After engaging in some small talk, I realized I had forgot about Sunny and his dad. I looked to my right and found them standing next to some new faces. I introduced them to my family and they introduced me to theirs. The trip had officially begun as Sunny and I parted ways and I followed Ali Bahi and his mom out of the airport.

Ali Bahi had taken hold of the trolley and was pushing it for me. I, of course, had no choice in this since it was the courtesy embedded in the culture there. As we made our way across the parking lot to the car, I heard someone close by say something. I turned to check whether I was being addressed and to my surprise, I was. “Bahya, Allah kay naam pe madat kar de” (My brother, help me for the sake of God). It was a middle aged man, wearing raggedy clothing. His skin complexion was generally dark and he was just about my height if not shorter. He came closer and repeated his request. I was trying to figure out the right thing to do but the man demanded a response. Based on negative past experiences and the bad reputation of Pakistan's beggars I decided to say: “Nahin, maaf karna”(Sorry, I can't help you). I continued to follow Ali Bahi, and he followed behind me. Again, he said “Reham kar ke, pasa day de” (Have pity on me and spare some money). By this time, I began to ignore him but I felt his presence close behind. At that moment, Ali Bahi turned to see the man following me. In a swift move, Ali Bahi took a step toward the man so as to startle him and told him to get away and continued to push the trolley forward. We finally reached the car but the man had still not left my side. Realizing that ignoring him was not a comfortable alternative, I looked at him and apologized for not being able to help him. “You Ready?”, Ali Bahi said. Relieved that I could escape the uneasy situation, I quickly got in the car.

We were headed for Abbotobad, which is a city in Northern Pakistan. On the car ride their, I found myself asking many questions. Ali Bahi, on the other hand, was comfortable in his silence. I was sitting on the passengers side, which by the way is on the left side in Pakistan, and Ali Bahi's mom was in the back. My questioning may have been coming from my recently-developed policy of not being shy around my family, but forcing out a feeling of confidence didn't exactly do the trick. I suppose another reason for the questions was the new environment I was curious about.

In the back of my head, I knew that Fajr (morning prayer for a Muslim) time was approaching, but I was waiting for the right time to raise my concern. It was getting light out pretty quick and Fajr would be null by sunrise so I had to speak now. “Ali Bahi, I need to pray Fajr, so do you think we can stop somewhere?”, I finally asked. “You want to pray now?”, he asked turning his head towards me and then quickly back to the road ahead. “Do you want to pray in the car? We can stop if you want though?”, he continued. I felt uncomfortable asking him to stop because I didn't want to burden him. Then again, what excuse can their be when one is serving his Lord? Instead of juggling with it in my mind any longer, I took the easy way out. “I'll pray in the car. That's fine.”, I responded. It didn't feel right. I knew what I had wanted but I didn't have the courage to act. Already, I felt defeated. What if he thought I was too religious? And that's never desired even as religious person because to bring about any good, reputation matters. In any case, I prayed Fajr, and put those thoughts behind me.

We were traveling on Silk Road. It was named as such because the long road goes into China and silk is then purchased from Chinese merchants and brought back into Pakistan. It was quiet beautiful along the way with the sun coming up. There were trees along the side of the road that reminded me of the one from karate kid. There were also many Pakistanis dressed in traditional attire just standing on the side of the road. I asked Ali Bahi, what they were doing. “They have nothing better to do. There's a lot of free time in Pakistan”, he responded with a subtle laugh. The closer we got to Abbotobad, the more it seemed that we were going backwards in time. From the modern looking airport city to something that felt like it was out of a movie. Soon enough, we were at our destination. Ali Bahi's house was empty because he was living in Islamabad(capital of Pakistan) now a days. His house was next door to my Khala(mother's sister) Zora's house. We were going to have breakfast there. As we made our way to the house, I wondered what was to come next...

Reflections on Pakistan (Part II)

The time until landing was approaching quick. I remember thinking that I don’t want to by shy around my family. I was preparing myself to be myself. I couldn’t allow them to have so much power over me; the fact that they had not even taken an action, and I was spending my time fearing what they would think of me, was dumbfounding. Nonetheless, the anxiousness was drowned out by the excitement of exploring a new world. Landing into Pakistan was a thrilling experience but also a relief from the twenty-two hour long flight. We exited the airplane via a narrow staircase; this was something I wanted to do since I was a kid. I used to watch the tv glorify famous politicians as they came off of the plane waving to their supporters.

There were buses waiting to take the us from the run-way to the Islamabad Airport. When I got on the bus that’s when it hit me: I was in another world. Everyone on the bus was Pakistani. The small time I spent on the bus was something that stuck with me. There were no seats. Everyone was standing but of course there were supports to hold on to so the passengers wouldn’t fall on one another. Sunny and I were standing on one side and Sunny’s father was at a small distance to our left. Sunny’s father quickly made himself comfortable as he began to joke around with the other Pakistanis on the bus in our native tongue. Sunny and I smiled at each other watching the phenomena take place. It was interesting to see how the people in Pakistan were so comfortable talking to each other in contrast to how people in Massachusetts tend avoid having conversations with “strangers”. The word “strangers” and the negative vibes it carries in the context of American culture implies, to some degree, the existence of an individualistic ideology. In Pakistan, one wouldn’t really consider their fellow Pakistani a “stranger” (at least not in a negative sense); a good example of how much language can tell you about a people. Back to where we were, the bus pulled up to the airport and we entered together.

There were lines of people waiting to clear immigration. I remember Sunny and his father had to move to a separate line because they were U.S. citizens and I was still a permanent resident carrying around my green Pakistani passport. After immigration, we headed to the baggage claim. I remember inhaling the second hand smoke as people stood around the revolving belt. Sunny and I laughed about how it was already looking like Pakistan had some lax rules...

Reflections on Pakistan (Part I)

I remember feeling excited getting on the airplane. I hadn’t flown since I was six and I was now twenty-one years old. Just the take-off was so amazing a feeling. I recall looking below at the tiny gleaming lights in the distance and what a beautiful view of the city it was. It was then that I began to feel so very small; as though Allah (God) was showing me how easy it was for Him to take me from one world and put me into another which I was totally unfamiliar with. I could hardly believe that I was going to Pakistan, my home country. I hadn’t been there for fifteen years and all that I could remember of it now were fragmented memories of my extended family and childhood experiences. I saw the trip as an opportunity to discover my roots, to use it to understand what shaped my parents, as well as a chapter in my life where I would learn from the lessons of adjusting to a world foreign to mine. More importantly, Pakistan was my place of birth and origin. It was the land I had first opened my eyes in. Thus, it was an adventure see with a mature understanding what I had first seen upon entering this world.

I almost forgot to mention that I was traveling with one of my best friends, Sunny. He was actually going to Pakistan with his father. We had the chance of sitting together on the first flight, but that was because his father decided to trade seats with me. Sunny had the window seat, but I would lean over when I wanted to see the view below. On our way to London, we discussed topics that ranged from religion to investing in stocks to our expectations of what was to come in Pakistan. This continued until both of us became exhausted. It was great to talk to him because college life kept us distant, given that we go to different schools.

While traveling to Pakistan, there were many stops in different countries. The flight-route was from Boston to London, from London to Bahrain, and finally from Bahrain to Islamabad. The first foreign airport I stopped at was the London Heathrow Airport. I was left dazzled studying the people of that land, their speech, and their behavior. It felt like a movie seeing the airport employees speaking in their British accent and this time the people weren’t acting. My heart yearned to go out into London city to explore some more to witness for myself, how vast indeed Allah (God) has created this earth. Bahrain was also amazing. There, I saw all the Arabs dressed in traditional attire which included the checkered red cloth which some wear on their heads. It was interesting to see. This was a world where I was no longer a minority and a place where I felt I would be accepted easily. This too was a world my heart desired to explore. I yearned to leave the airport and run into the city to examine the people and their lifestyle. The airport was also beautiful in Bahrain with its mini-mall inside. I can distinctly remember passing by a small shop where I saw a set of colorful toy birds which were attached to the ceiling and were flying in repetitive circles. While in Bahrain, Sunny, his father, and I enjoyed halaal(analogous to kosher for the Jewish) grilled chicken burgers, which we purchased with the Bahraini currency we had recently bought. As the time to board the flight was nearing, we moved towards our gate of departure. This was the last flight that was to take us directly into Pakistan. I was exhausted from the jet lag but the thought of nearing my destination kept me wakeful as I boarded the plane…