Eid day...I woke up from the knocking on my room door. It was Mami letting me know that Eid prayer would begin shortly and so I was to get ready pronto. I made my way into the bathroom to carry out the shave and shower routine. It was there that I confronted the first struggle of the day: how to adjust the water temperature? It was an arduous task indeed. At first it was burning hot...then freezing cold...this process repeated for some time until I found a bearable temperature. After showering, I hurriedly put on my shalwar kameez (native apparel) and set out to find Ali Bahi (Brother). He was all ready and waiting for me. I felt burdened. I have always hated being the reason for getting others late to an important event. Unfortunately, punctuality was never my strong point so its consequences were manifesting yet again. We rushed into the car and started out for the Masjid (Mosque). It was at a convenient five minute drive from the house which was quite different from the half-hour to hour commute that is often required to get to a Masjid in the States.
After we parked the car, we walked down a muddy pathway leading to the entrance of the Masjid. I could see my breath in the air which gave testimony to the cold weather. Upon entering, Ali Bahi took me to the side and said, “Be careful where you leave your shoes. Someone may steal them”. I watched him, puzzled at what he had just said. After all, it was a Masjid. A place of worship. How could someone be so indecent as to steal from a place where God was being remembered? Well, there wasn't much be done except taking heed to the words of wisdom just spoken. I followed Ali Bahi's lead in placing my shoes in a small bin located inside the Masjid. This particular Masjid had two segments: indoors and outdoors. The indoors segment was a little crowded so we took a seat in the portion which was more exposed to the chill! I don't like when I complain, but I can't deny that the weather was making me uncomfortable. To my surprise, we had arrived early. I wondered why Mami had been rushing us, then? A question I reserved for Ali Bahi until after prayer. The Imam (leader of prayer) was giving a speech in Urdu (Native tongue in Pakistan). Unfortunately, I was zoning in and out of what he was saying. Some of me was still feeling annoyed by the cold weather which kept stealing my attention and on top of that, I wasn't feeling too spiritual. I don't know exactly why. Part of the reason, I suppose, lies in what I call my prejudice towards 'Pakistani Islam'.
'Pakistani Islam' isn't really a type of Islam but rather an understanding I developed by observing how Pakistani parents often introduce the religion of Islam to their children. Some of the key characteristics of 'Pakistani Islam' include teaching the children how to read Arabic but not understand it. It is encouraged to read and memorize the Qur'an (Holy Scripture in Islam) even if it is without an understanding of the Book one has just inscribed in his/her heart! All in all, the stress is not placed on striving to grasp the message but rather on becoming containers of the message. Too many a times I have seen individuals who have memorized the Holy Qur'an but the effect of the message is not manifest in their being. I believe that truly inscribing the Holy Qur'an within one's heart should totally transform the person. Only when the heart feels every word of the Holy Qur'an as a reality can one truly be considered to know the Scripture by heart. In any case, continuing on with my description of 'Pakistani Islam'. Another aspect of it includes sharing stories that are claimed to be from the Holy Book but end up being from a tradition or an Islamic Poem. Not to down the stories, because they often have beautiful and priceless lessons but rather to show that we must be careful to cite our sources properly. Although there is much more to this concept, I will conclude with a characteristic that really bothers me. Within 'Pakistani Islam', the spirit of reflecting and questioning is discouraged! I believe that if a person possesses the truth, then no falsehood can stand against it. There is nothing to be afraid of because as Allah (swt) says in the Qur'an “Truth is distinct from Falsehood”. In fact, reflecting and questioning one's beliefs is precisely what leads to the strengthing of faith. The only time this is not of benefit is if the community does not provide the answers to the youth or the youth are not sincerely searching for the answers. Therefore, it is important for all the members of a Muslim Community to be well versed in the teachings of and philosophy behind Islam. Nonetheless, this should suffice for an understanding of my biased towards 'Pakistani Islam'.
It was cold and I was not very spiritual as I mentioned earlier. My negative feelings towards 'Pakistani Islam' only added fuel to the fire. And so, I had to fight all this to try and reap some benefit from what the Imam was saying. This struggle within me was an inevitable result of the truth that I knew all too well: This man may be sincere and sincere speech always has a positive effect on the heart. Unfortunately, the speech was very short and in the midst of my struggle it felt even shorter. Once it ended, everyone got on their feet to congregate for the prayer. I followed Ali Bahi into the indoors section of the Masjid. There was a cardboard box next to the wall which contained Topis (prayer hats) for the people to take at will. I decided not to. I did feel left out on my decision though, because almost everyone in the Masjid was wearing one. O well, I thought...No biggie. After the prayer, the eid sermon was delivered. It is considered a neccesary part of the Eid prayer. I could not grasp much of it because it was spoken very rapidly in Arabic. It was clear that the Imam had memorized what he was saying because he was speaking without any sense of consciousness to his words. This I didn't like because even if everyone in the room doesn't understand it, it is still important to say it like you mean it. Ofcourse, he may be well intended and so I am not passing judgement on the Imam. Also, my biased towards 'Pakistani Islam' may have distorted my vision a bit. If anything, however, I had the opportunity to take lesson from what I did not like.
On our way out, I grabbed my shoes from the bin. They were right where I left them so that was a relief. We met up with Abdullah and Wajid Bahi who were both due for some eid hugs. Wajid Bahi had a mischievous smile on his face. We found out later that their family had played a trick on us to get us to wake up early because supposedly Ali Bahi is known to get late. Well, that put both of us in the same boat. As mentioned earlier, punctuality is not my best friend. We drove back home to a goodly meal. Soon after I was to leave for another adventure...
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Reflections on Pakistan (Part V)
Night had fallen by the time we left for the local bazaar. Our car made its way through small alleys with hidden potholes and bumps, maneuvering around what seemed more like an obstacle course than infrastructure. Abbotabad was a beautiful town despite its underdevelopment. Sitting in the lap of towering mountains, it created a sense of humility in anyone who passed through its realm. I was sitting in the back seat of the car and had the privilege to indulge in the scenery. As I peered out the window, I found nothing but the scores of mountains appearing from all directions. To my surprise, there were hundreds of shining lights coming from these mountains; it was as if distant stars had descended on them whilst retaining their radiance. I found out that these lights were coming from houses that were established there.
As we approached the bazaar, the commotion and noise increased a good deal. I had come with Abdullah Bahi and his younger brother, Wajid Bahi, who I was recently introduced to. I stepped out of the car and looked around with a sense of curiosity. There were crowds of people walking up and down the street trying hard not to walk into one another. The weather was chilly outside and because of this most people had long woolen shawls (basically, a portable blanket!) wrapped around themselves. The smell in the air was, simply put, of food. Samosay, Kabaabs, Jalaybeez, and other such snacks and sweets were creating an alluring aroma. The bazaar was set up so there were many small shops along the street but one part of the bazaar was also indoors.
I followed Abdullah and Wajid into the indoors section while hoping to discover something interesting as I continued to observe the new environment. Inside, there were shoe stores, stores selling jackets and general winter apparel, and other stores I didn’t get the chance to explore. Abdullah and Wajid walked into one of them to meet some old friends they knew. They introduced me and we exchanged greetings. I watched closely as they interacted with one another. They joked around a little bit and the rest of their conversation consisted of catching up with one another. While watching, I sensed that although they were friends, they were definitely not very close. In
As Abdullah and the others continued their discussion, Wajid Bahi beckoned me to his side and suggested we take a small walk around the bazaar. “So, you want to buy anything from here?” he asked. “We have all sorts of stuff and by the way, pants are very cheap here compared to
Another thing I noticed was that the focus of the attention wasn’t particularly focused on me, being the new guest and all. Was I expecting something that all people desire despite ceaselessly returning with empty hands? To desire the attention of another person…I knew this to be secondary to desiring the love and closeness to God and hence considered my thoughts disappointing. I think meeting new people is something that is very common in Pakistan and happens more frequently and maybe for this reason it isn’t seen as something as significant as it is in other cultures. Nonetheless, I can’t deny that both Abdullah and Wajid Bahi treated me with great hospitality and kindness.
We returned home after an hour or so. It was a refreshing first day in
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Love of God
Bismillah Ar-Rahman Ar-Rahim,
I begin in the name of Allah (God), The Beneficent, The Merciful.
My Dear brothers and sisters of all faiths and beliefs. I just wanted to share something with you all which I feel is so necessary for every human being to have. I say with confidence that this is not a thing to be desired but rather a thing which we all crucially need. For this reason, I sincerely pray that we all take from this what we can and use it to strengthen each other.
All of us, no matter what walk of life we are on or what level of understanding we have reached thus far, have a common goal. This common goal is true happiness. Deep witin our core we search for this peace hoping that something will quench this undying thirst. The poor man looks for it in wealth. The student looks for it in a successful career. Some look for it in finding a soul mate. But the essence of this search is that inclination to find true happiness.
Can our Beloved Creator allow for this need to stir within the depths of our being and not provide us with the remedy? Would he not provide us with the very need He placed within us?
The Holy Qur'an beautifully answers us:
"In the remembrance of God do the hearts find satisfaction" (13:28)
God has revealed something which is so powerful and profound that it makes one shake in gratitude. In the first place, He has given us the gift of life when there was none to care about whether we exist or not and on top of this He has honored us to such a degree that He has made Himself the answer to our undying need! When He takes His place in our hearts, there will be nothing more our essence needs and nothing else will be desired.
There are two traditions of our Holy Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) which are worthy of our reflection:
"The heart is the sanctuary of God"
"The heart is the throne of the Beneficent"
These two traditions show us that the heart is for God and God alone. Noone and nothing else belongs there. If we try to love the transient things in life, they will pass. Nothing lasts except for the love of God.
This love of God can be replaced by nothing else and once we have it there is nothing you and I won't do for it. You will give everything you have as long as you know that your Beloved is with you. Such beauty and tranquility does the heart feel in loving God. This is a thing we all need to develop within us. I swear in sincerity that nothing compares to the peace that loving God brings.
If I could but express it in words but it would never do justice. All the tears we ever cried for His sake would not be able to measure up to thanking Him for giving us this blessing of loving Him. This should be our true goal and the aim of all our efforts.
I want to leave you with a few words that are very special and dear to my heart. They come from a sincere servant of God, supplicating to His Beloved as his heart trembles and his tears fall freely:
My God, who can have tasted the sweetness of Your love and wanted another in place of You?
Who could have become intimate with Your nearness and then sought removal from You?
These words of beauty come from none other than my Beloved Imam Zainul 'Abideen (as). I can not imagine what he must have been feeling as these phrases left his mouth. How pure was this man's heart? How intense was his longing? There is none that can taste the love of God and then want anything else after it, as my beloved Imam has mentioned. I pray that we all can reach this true love of God. I conclude with a verse from the Qur'an:
"And the true believers are overflowing with love for God" (2:165)
-------------------
If you are interested in reading the full version of the supplication I cited above, you can visit the link below:
http://www.duas.org/sajjadiya/dua77.htm
I begin in the name of Allah (God), The Beneficent, The Merciful.
My Dear brothers and sisters of all faiths and beliefs. I just wanted to share something with you all which I feel is so necessary for every human being to have. I say with confidence that this is not a thing to be desired but rather a thing which we all crucially need. For this reason, I sincerely pray that we all take from this what we can and use it to strengthen each other.
All of us, no matter what walk of life we are on or what level of understanding we have reached thus far, have a common goal. This common goal is true happiness. Deep witin our core we search for this peace hoping that something will quench this undying thirst. The poor man looks for it in wealth. The student looks for it in a successful career. Some look for it in finding a soul mate. But the essence of this search is that inclination to find true happiness.
Can our Beloved Creator allow for this need to stir within the depths of our being and not provide us with the remedy? Would he not provide us with the very need He placed within us?
The Holy Qur'an beautifully answers us:
"In the remembrance of God do the hearts find satisfaction" (13:28)
God has revealed something which is so powerful and profound that it makes one shake in gratitude. In the first place, He has given us the gift of life when there was none to care about whether we exist or not and on top of this He has honored us to such a degree that He has made Himself the answer to our undying need! When He takes His place in our hearts, there will be nothing more our essence needs and nothing else will be desired.
There are two traditions of our Holy Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) which are worthy of our reflection:
"The heart is the sanctuary of God"
"The heart is the throne of the Beneficent"
These two traditions show us that the heart is for God and God alone. Noone and nothing else belongs there. If we try to love the transient things in life, they will pass. Nothing lasts except for the love of God.
This love of God can be replaced by nothing else and once we have it there is nothing you and I won't do for it. You will give everything you have as long as you know that your Beloved is with you. Such beauty and tranquility does the heart feel in loving God. This is a thing we all need to develop within us. I swear in sincerity that nothing compares to the peace that loving God brings.
If I could but express it in words but it would never do justice. All the tears we ever cried for His sake would not be able to measure up to thanking Him for giving us this blessing of loving Him. This should be our true goal and the aim of all our efforts.
I want to leave you with a few words that are very special and dear to my heart. They come from a sincere servant of God, supplicating to His Beloved as his heart trembles and his tears fall freely:
My God, who can have tasted the sweetness of Your love and wanted another in place of You?
Who could have become intimate with Your nearness and then sought removal from You?
These words of beauty come from none other than my Beloved Imam Zainul 'Abideen (as). I can not imagine what he must have been feeling as these phrases left his mouth. How pure was this man's heart? How intense was his longing? There is none that can taste the love of God and then want anything else after it, as my beloved Imam has mentioned. I pray that we all can reach this true love of God. I conclude with a verse from the Qur'an:
"And the true believers are overflowing with love for God" (2:165)
-------------------
If you are interested in reading the full version of the supplication I cited above, you can visit the link below:
http://www.duas.org/sajjadiya/dua77.htm
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Who Created Who?
The “intellectuals” and “truly informed” personalities of today, tell us that belief in God is a flimsy hypothesis which has no credibility on the grounds of reasoning. With this understanding, many people have proposed different theories regarding how religion and belief in God was created by society. I, on the other hand, believe that those who reject the belief in God have no evidence for what they claim. In fact, I believe the evidence points in the opposite direction of what is commonly thought. So, is it really reasonable to think that the belief in a Creator is a myth? Or that religion was just cooked up by someone who might have wanted to exercise his power over people? Well, let’s put these questions to the test by examining them with a closer eye.
I always hear people say, “If I can't see God, then how can I believe in Him?” This shaky argument is surprisingly still the basis of thought for many atheists in the scientific community. Science is limited to the five senses. Therefore, it can never tell us anything about matters that are beyond sense perception. For example, questions of morality and human values are outside of the scope of science. It is a field that reveals a partial knowledge of our reality, but too many of us get fooled into thinking it is the sole criterion for truth. Since, God is a being beyond sense perception, how can we use our senses as a tool for determining whether He exists or not?
Another common reason for opposing religion is that it is used as a tool for propaganda and a means to gather people under the flag of fear. By creating the notion of an after-life where the wrong-doers will be punished, one can control the behavior of the masses. This is hardly evidence of the creation of religion by society. First of all, this assumes that religions are fundamentally based around fear and it is because of this fear that people follow a religion and behave morally. This couldn't be further from the truth. Ask an adherent of any religion why he/she has faith. You will hardly ever hear “because I am scared”. Talk to a Christian and they will tell you that love is what drives them towards religion rather than fear.
Besides, is fear the only way to get people to behave? Doesn’t a person naturally feel good when he gives to the needy or does some other good action? So why does fear need to be used to propagate good? If everyone decided not to help society and only look after personal interests, humanity would be doomed. I would argue that education could also be used as a means to rectifying behavior. One could teach the people that acting solely on self-interest will lead to the destruction of society as a whole. Education would be a better alternative than using fear as the tool. So why would anyone go through the trouble of creating a complex religious dogma?
Although, it’s possible to deny the truth of a particular religion, it is irrational to deny the existence of certain people in the past who claimed to be prophets. The principle of probability allows us to realize that certain events must have taken place in history. For example, millions of people have written and spoken about the wars of past, so we can be sure that these wars did indeed take place. It is improbable and illogical for us to think that all these people were involved in some big conspiracy in which they all joined hands in lying to us. What are the odds? Using the same reasoning, we have to admit the existence of personalities such as Jesus and Muhammad who promoted certain messages. How can such an enormous amount of people write about the lives of these personalities, if they really didn’t exist? So let's reflect. The creators of religion decided they needed to tame the behavior of man. So someone volunteered to promote righteousness even in the face of persecution and torture. On top of this, entire communities walked behind these people ready to bear hardships and trials. If Jesus' only motive was to control the behavior of man, would he be willing to give his life for it? If Muhammad was a fiend for power, then why face persecution at the hands of the Arab tribes that lived in his time?
We often try to think about how religions could have been created by people, but have we ever questioned this very thinking? Where did the atheistic and anti-religious movements of today come from? One driving factor was the past resistance of the Christian elites to scientific research which led to the prosecution of great people like Galileo. This divorcing of religion and science is what led many good-intended people to turn their backs on religion because of its closed-mindedness to new discoveries. The mistake these people made was that they threw the baby out with the bath water and rejected any notion of a Creator, whatsoever.
So here we are today witnessing this great divide between science and religion. But does the scientific evidence really point towards a universe free from the need of a Creator? The prominent and most heavily backed theory regarding the origin of the universe is the big-bang theory. The theory of the universe being eternal has been completely disproven by science. The big-bang theory states that there was a big explosion which caused time, matter, and space to come into existence. Prior to this bang, there was nothing. So, let's examine what's being said. There was absolutely nothing and then a bang causes the universe to come into existence. The question of the day is “can something come out of nothing?” Have you ever seen a blob of nothingness flying 80 mph hit another blob of nothingness flying at 50 mph and boom! Something miraculously appears. Obviously, something had to have caused the bang...something outside of time, matter, and space; not physical but metaphysical; perhaps, a Creator or whatever name you would like to give it. Is this evidence or not? I'll let you decide.
I always hear people say, “If I can't see God, then how can I believe in Him?” This shaky argument is surprisingly still the basis of thought for many atheists in the scientific community. Science is limited to the five senses. Therefore, it can never tell us anything about matters that are beyond sense perception. For example, questions of morality and human values are outside of the scope of science. It is a field that reveals a partial knowledge of our reality, but too many of us get fooled into thinking it is the sole criterion for truth. Since, God is a being beyond sense perception, how can we use our senses as a tool for determining whether He exists or not?
Another common reason for opposing religion is that it is used as a tool for propaganda and a means to gather people under the flag of fear. By creating the notion of an after-life where the wrong-doers will be punished, one can control the behavior of the masses. This is hardly evidence of the creation of religion by society. First of all, this assumes that religions are fundamentally based around fear and it is because of this fear that people follow a religion and behave morally. This couldn't be further from the truth. Ask an adherent of any religion why he/she has faith. You will hardly ever hear “because I am scared”. Talk to a Christian and they will tell you that love is what drives them towards religion rather than fear.
Besides, is fear the only way to get people to behave? Doesn’t a person naturally feel good when he gives to the needy or does some other good action? So why does fear need to be used to propagate good? If everyone decided not to help society and only look after personal interests, humanity would be doomed. I would argue that education could also be used as a means to rectifying behavior. One could teach the people that acting solely on self-interest will lead to the destruction of society as a whole. Education would be a better alternative than using fear as the tool. So why would anyone go through the trouble of creating a complex religious dogma?
Although, it’s possible to deny the truth of a particular religion, it is irrational to deny the existence of certain people in the past who claimed to be prophets. The principle of probability allows us to realize that certain events must have taken place in history. For example, millions of people have written and spoken about the wars of past, so we can be sure that these wars did indeed take place. It is improbable and illogical for us to think that all these people were involved in some big conspiracy in which they all joined hands in lying to us. What are the odds? Using the same reasoning, we have to admit the existence of personalities such as Jesus and Muhammad who promoted certain messages. How can such an enormous amount of people write about the lives of these personalities, if they really didn’t exist? So let's reflect. The creators of religion decided they needed to tame the behavior of man. So someone volunteered to promote righteousness even in the face of persecution and torture. On top of this, entire communities walked behind these people ready to bear hardships and trials. If Jesus' only motive was to control the behavior of man, would he be willing to give his life for it? If Muhammad was a fiend for power, then why face persecution at the hands of the Arab tribes that lived in his time?
We often try to think about how religions could have been created by people, but have we ever questioned this very thinking? Where did the atheistic and anti-religious movements of today come from? One driving factor was the past resistance of the Christian elites to scientific research which led to the prosecution of great people like Galileo. This divorcing of religion and science is what led many good-intended people to turn their backs on religion because of its closed-mindedness to new discoveries. The mistake these people made was that they threw the baby out with the bath water and rejected any notion of a Creator, whatsoever.
So here we are today witnessing this great divide between science and religion. But does the scientific evidence really point towards a universe free from the need of a Creator? The prominent and most heavily backed theory regarding the origin of the universe is the big-bang theory. The theory of the universe being eternal has been completely disproven by science. The big-bang theory states that there was a big explosion which caused time, matter, and space to come into existence. Prior to this bang, there was nothing. So, let's examine what's being said. There was absolutely nothing and then a bang causes the universe to come into existence. The question of the day is “can something come out of nothing?” Have you ever seen a blob of nothingness flying 80 mph hit another blob of nothingness flying at 50 mph and boom! Something miraculously appears. Obviously, something had to have caused the bang...something outside of time, matter, and space; not physical but metaphysical; perhaps, a Creator or whatever name you would like to give it. Is this evidence or not? I'll let you decide.
Sunday, April 1, 2007
Undescribed Feelings
The sun, moon, and stars
Working in harmony, mysterious and far
I live and see the surface but have a feeling something is under
I feel this feeling when I see a new born smile
Or when I think back to the days of youth, when me and you would run wild
Taking out the old photo ablum always hits the spot
So many insignificant occasions when me and my little sister fought
And you know how the little things turn out to be big
Those are the ones that you always come to miss
Undescribed these feelings
When underneath the whole picture, there's something unique I'm seeing
They're telling me there is no God to believe in,
When these are the places where He can be so easily seen in
Working in harmony, mysterious and far
I live and see the surface but have a feeling something is under
I feel this feeling when I see a new born smile
Or when I think back to the days of youth, when me and you would run wild
Taking out the old photo ablum always hits the spot
So many insignificant occasions when me and my little sister fought
And you know how the little things turn out to be big
Those are the ones that you always come to miss
Undescribed these feelings
When underneath the whole picture, there's something unique I'm seeing
They're telling me there is no God to believe in,
When these are the places where He can be so easily seen in
Monday, March 26, 2007
Reflections on Pakistan (Part IV)
Houses in Pakistan are a lot different from America. They are flat roofed and if you have a decent income, they are usually big. When we entered my cousins’ house, it was quiet. After all it was around seven in the morning. Ali Bahi was walking ahead of me and had the honor of waking everyone up. We first went into Khala Zora’s bedroom. Her husband and she were awake but just sitting up in bed. They invited me in and we exchanged greetings. I took my seat on a pillow on the floor. Ali Bahi’s mom (I will use “Mami” to refer to Ali’s mom from now on for ease in writing) was next to me on the floor. Ali Bahi was on a couch to my left. I inspected my environment after having settled down. The room had a cozy feeling to it. I don’t mean the cozy feeling like in front of the fire place in a wooden floored house. It was unique. There were no windows and the predominant color emanating from the room was green. There was a small heater running off of gas right in front of me. I was advised to put my feet in front of it, to keep myself warm. In Pakistan, central heating is not common at all, and people usually have these gas heaters for each room.
After some chatting with Khala Zora and her husband, Usama Uncle, Khala Zora’s second oldest son came in to the room. I got up to greet him and we hugged as well. His parents introduced him as Abdullah. It was funny, I thought, that everyone knew my name but I was totally lost when it came to my family. After taking a seat next to Ali Bahi, Abdullah asked some routine questions. Abdullah was just a little younger than Ali Bahi. I sat there talking to him as well as the rest of the family, trying to get a better picture of who this long lost family of mine really was.
I brought up the story of what happened to me at the airport in Boston. When I was going through the security check process, I was “randomly selected” for a more thorough check. The security guard pulled me to the side. He came up really close, clearly invading my personal space. Looking down at me, he spoke: “Now this can be quick if you want it to be?” I knew he was trying to intimidate me and…it was working to some degree. “If you have any problems or you feel uncomfortable as I search you, we can relocate and the process may become longer. Do you want this to take longer?” I calmly responded with a no, trying hard to fight the anxiety that was building up. After padding me down, he let me go. I felt a little humiliated…and this was nothing. I wondered the level of humiliation that others must have felt in more serious situations. Just the way they try to frighten you, makes you seem guilty of a crime you didn’t commit. I felt nervous when I had done nothing wrong. How many innocent people must have been accused using this tactic? Living in America for Muslims is tough, and this reaffirmed my stance on the issue.
Anyway, this was the crux of what I related to my family. In retrospect, I don’t know exactly why I decided to share this with them. I suppose in order to get a feeling of family or being close to a people, I felt I had to share something. Since this story happened recently, I figured, why not use this. I gave them a piece of who I was through it, and their reaction to it gave me a piece of who they were. I already felt a little closer to everyone in the room.
After eating breakfast, I went to Ali Bahi’s house next door to take a nap. The plan for later that evening was for Abdullah to take me to the Abbotobad bazaar…
After some chatting with Khala Zora and her husband, Usama Uncle, Khala Zora’s second oldest son came in to the room. I got up to greet him and we hugged as well. His parents introduced him as Abdullah. It was funny, I thought, that everyone knew my name but I was totally lost when it came to my family. After taking a seat next to Ali Bahi, Abdullah asked some routine questions. Abdullah was just a little younger than Ali Bahi. I sat there talking to him as well as the rest of the family, trying to get a better picture of who this long lost family of mine really was.
I brought up the story of what happened to me at the airport in Boston. When I was going through the security check process, I was “randomly selected” for a more thorough check. The security guard pulled me to the side. He came up really close, clearly invading my personal space. Looking down at me, he spoke: “Now this can be quick if you want it to be?” I knew he was trying to intimidate me and…it was working to some degree. “If you have any problems or you feel uncomfortable as I search you, we can relocate and the process may become longer. Do you want this to take longer?” I calmly responded with a no, trying hard to fight the anxiety that was building up. After padding me down, he let me go. I felt a little humiliated…and this was nothing. I wondered the level of humiliation that others must have felt in more serious situations. Just the way they try to frighten you, makes you seem guilty of a crime you didn’t commit. I felt nervous when I had done nothing wrong. How many innocent people must have been accused using this tactic? Living in America for Muslims is tough, and this reaffirmed my stance on the issue.
Anyway, this was the crux of what I related to my family. In retrospect, I don’t know exactly why I decided to share this with them. I suppose in order to get a feeling of family or being close to a people, I felt I had to share something. Since this story happened recently, I figured, why not use this. I gave them a piece of who I was through it, and their reaction to it gave me a piece of who they were. I already felt a little closer to everyone in the room.
After eating breakfast, I went to Ali Bahi’s house next door to take a nap. The plan for later that evening was for Abdullah to take me to the Abbotobad bazaar…
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Reflections on Pakistan (Part III)
I was behind Sunny and his father, as I pushed my luggage trolley, walking through the crowd of people awaiting their loved ones. I was watching attentively for a face that I may recognize, and....there they were. Ali Bahi (Urdu term for brother) and his mother. I recognized him from his wedding movie which was sent to us in America. Ali Bahi was about thirty seven years old, which made him much older than me. When I looked at him, he had a wide smile on his face, which gave me the impression that he too had recognized me. Already, I couldn't help but feel the love that was radiating from his aura. Upon reaching him, we hugged. "Asalamu 'Alaykum!" (May peace be upon you), I said to him, which is the traditional Muslim greeting. He returned my salutation with a "Wa 'Alaykum Salaam" (And on you). I then turned my attention to his mother who seemed like a very nice old woman. Her kindness and motherhood could be detected from the first meeting. We also exchanged salutations. After engaging in some small talk, I realized I had forgot about Sunny and his dad. I looked to my right and found them standing next to some new faces. I introduced them to my family and they introduced me to theirs. The trip had officially begun as Sunny and I parted ways and I followed Ali Bahi and his mom out of the airport.
Ali Bahi had taken hold of the trolley and was pushing it for me. I, of course, had no choice in this since it was the courtesy embedded in the culture there. As we made our way across the parking lot to the car, I heard someone close by say something. I turned to check whether I was being addressed and to my surprise, I was. “Bahya, Allah kay naam pe madat kar de” (My brother, help me for the sake of God). It was a middle aged man, wearing raggedy clothing. His skin complexion was generally dark and he was just about my height if not shorter. He came closer and repeated his request. I was trying to figure out the right thing to do but the man demanded a response. Based on negative past experiences and the bad reputation of Pakistan's beggars I decided to say: “Nahin, maaf karna”(Sorry, I can't help you). I continued to follow Ali Bahi, and he followed behind me. Again, he said “Reham kar ke, pasa day de” (Have pity on me and spare some money). By this time, I began to ignore him but I felt his presence close behind. At that moment, Ali Bahi turned to see the man following me. In a swift move, Ali Bahi took a step toward the man so as to startle him and told him to get away and continued to push the trolley forward. We finally reached the car but the man had still not left my side. Realizing that ignoring him was not a comfortable alternative, I looked at him and apologized for not being able to help him. “You Ready?”, Ali Bahi said. Relieved that I could escape the uneasy situation, I quickly got in the car.
We were headed for Abbotobad, which is a city in Northern Pakistan. On the car ride their, I found myself asking many questions. Ali Bahi, on the other hand, was comfortable in his silence. I was sitting on the passengers side, which by the way is on the left side in Pakistan, and Ali Bahi's mom was in the back. My questioning may have been coming from my recently-developed policy of not being shy around my family, but forcing out a feeling of confidence didn't exactly do the trick. I suppose another reason for the questions was the new environment I was curious about.
In the back of my head, I knew that Fajr (morning prayer for a Muslim) time was approaching, but I was waiting for the right time to raise my concern. It was getting light out pretty quick and Fajr would be null by sunrise so I had to speak now. “Ali Bahi, I need to pray Fajr, so do you think we can stop somewhere?”, I finally asked. “You want to pray now?”, he asked turning his head towards me and then quickly back to the road ahead. “Do you want to pray in the car? We can stop if you want though?”, he continued. I felt uncomfortable asking him to stop because I didn't want to burden him. Then again, what excuse can their be when one is serving his Lord? Instead of juggling with it in my mind any longer, I took the easy way out. “I'll pray in the car. That's fine.”, I responded. It didn't feel right. I knew what I had wanted but I didn't have the courage to act. Already, I felt defeated. What if he thought I was too religious? And that's never desired even as religious person because to bring about any good, reputation matters. In any case, I prayed Fajr, and put those thoughts behind me.
We were traveling on Silk Road. It was named as such because the long road goes into China and silk is then purchased from Chinese merchants and brought back into Pakistan. It was quiet beautiful along the way with the sun coming up. There were trees along the side of the road that reminded me of the one from karate kid. There were also many Pakistanis dressed in traditional attire just standing on the side of the road. I asked Ali Bahi, what they were doing. “They have nothing better to do. There's a lot of free time in Pakistan”, he responded with a subtle laugh. The closer we got to Abbotobad, the more it seemed that we were going backwards in time. From the modern looking airport city to something that felt like it was out of a movie. Soon enough, we were at our destination. Ali Bahi's house was empty because he was living in Islamabad(capital of Pakistan) now a days. His house was next door to my Khala(mother's sister) Zora's house. We were going to have breakfast there. As we made our way to the house, I wondered what was to come next...
Ali Bahi had taken hold of the trolley and was pushing it for me. I, of course, had no choice in this since it was the courtesy embedded in the culture there. As we made our way across the parking lot to the car, I heard someone close by say something. I turned to check whether I was being addressed and to my surprise, I was. “Bahya, Allah kay naam pe madat kar de” (My brother, help me for the sake of God). It was a middle aged man, wearing raggedy clothing. His skin complexion was generally dark and he was just about my height if not shorter. He came closer and repeated his request. I was trying to figure out the right thing to do but the man demanded a response. Based on negative past experiences and the bad reputation of Pakistan's beggars I decided to say: “Nahin, maaf karna”(Sorry, I can't help you). I continued to follow Ali Bahi, and he followed behind me. Again, he said “Reham kar ke, pasa day de” (Have pity on me and spare some money). By this time, I began to ignore him but I felt his presence close behind. At that moment, Ali Bahi turned to see the man following me. In a swift move, Ali Bahi took a step toward the man so as to startle him and told him to get away and continued to push the trolley forward. We finally reached the car but the man had still not left my side. Realizing that ignoring him was not a comfortable alternative, I looked at him and apologized for not being able to help him. “You Ready?”, Ali Bahi said. Relieved that I could escape the uneasy situation, I quickly got in the car.
We were headed for Abbotobad, which is a city in Northern Pakistan. On the car ride their, I found myself asking many questions. Ali Bahi, on the other hand, was comfortable in his silence. I was sitting on the passengers side, which by the way is on the left side in Pakistan, and Ali Bahi's mom was in the back. My questioning may have been coming from my recently-developed policy of not being shy around my family, but forcing out a feeling of confidence didn't exactly do the trick. I suppose another reason for the questions was the new environment I was curious about.
In the back of my head, I knew that Fajr (morning prayer for a Muslim) time was approaching, but I was waiting for the right time to raise my concern. It was getting light out pretty quick and Fajr would be null by sunrise so I had to speak now. “Ali Bahi, I need to pray Fajr, so do you think we can stop somewhere?”, I finally asked. “You want to pray now?”, he asked turning his head towards me and then quickly back to the road ahead. “Do you want to pray in the car? We can stop if you want though?”, he continued. I felt uncomfortable asking him to stop because I didn't want to burden him. Then again, what excuse can their be when one is serving his Lord? Instead of juggling with it in my mind any longer, I took the easy way out. “I'll pray in the car. That's fine.”, I responded. It didn't feel right. I knew what I had wanted but I didn't have the courage to act. Already, I felt defeated. What if he thought I was too religious? And that's never desired even as religious person because to bring about any good, reputation matters. In any case, I prayed Fajr, and put those thoughts behind me.
We were traveling on Silk Road. It was named as such because the long road goes into China and silk is then purchased from Chinese merchants and brought back into Pakistan. It was quiet beautiful along the way with the sun coming up. There were trees along the side of the road that reminded me of the one from karate kid. There were also many Pakistanis dressed in traditional attire just standing on the side of the road. I asked Ali Bahi, what they were doing. “They have nothing better to do. There's a lot of free time in Pakistan”, he responded with a subtle laugh. The closer we got to Abbotobad, the more it seemed that we were going backwards in time. From the modern looking airport city to something that felt like it was out of a movie. Soon enough, we were at our destination. Ali Bahi's house was empty because he was living in Islamabad(capital of Pakistan) now a days. His house was next door to my Khala(mother's sister) Zora's house. We were going to have breakfast there. As we made our way to the house, I wondered what was to come next...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
